I Can't Make You
by blackwidow73
Summary: After Joe leaves, Rhoda goes back to Minneapolis. Mary and Brenda work together to try and get the two back together, but what if they really just weren't meant to be? the final chapter is now up.
1. Leaving

Chapter 1: Leaving

Rhoda stood there. Her eyes adverted from the door that had just closed, both to the apartment and to the part of her life that she had shared with Joe. All he had said was that he had needed a little time off by himself, but if he had truly loved her in the first place, why would he need that time anyways?

"Damn," was all she could get out before the tears started to fall down her cheeks and she slowly allowed herself to slide down to the floor. Hugging her legs to her body, she rested her head on her knees and let herself begin to cry.

There had to be something other than this. It was like it was back in high school. One of them got tired of the relationship so they just left, just like that. The only difference was that this hurt so much more. They were married, that had to mean something to him. There had to be more to this than just watching him leave like that.

She had felt silly not allowing him to take any clothes with him, but it was her only security. He would come back for them. Right now, that was the only reason that she knew he would be back there. She had what he needed.

"I gotta get out of here," she said to herself. Pulling herself up, she looked across the room to the door, as if waiting for him to stop her. Waiting for him to come back and tell her that there's no need for her to leave, but that wasn't about to happen. Instead, she went to the table and stopped to glance at the door before she picked up her phone book. With hesitation, she continued to the phone, where again, she stopped and looked over to the door. It was no use, he wasn't coming back. She had to do this. Shaky hands flipped through the pages and then grabbed the receiver. "Hello?" she choked out after dialing the number. She steadied her voice. "Yes, I would like a ticket to Minneapolis."

Brenda sat on the edge of the bed as Rhoda went through and gathered things to pack. "So you're really leaving?" Brenda asked.

"What else can I do?" Rhoda asked as she pulled a shirt from her closet and carried it over to the open suitcase on her bed.

"You could stay with me you know. You did used to live there," Brenda said. Rhoda was about halfway to the closet when she stopped. Brenda watched her for a second. "That way you'll know when he comes back and you won't have to sit up here by yourself."

"No!" Rhoda snapped as she finally turned around to face Brenda. "I can't okay? I can't be here. I just can't." Pacing to the other side of the room, she quickly grabbed a few random things. "I couldn't handle just sitting here and waiting," she said pacing back and throwing things into her suitcase.

"Calm down Rho, you just threw one of Joe's belts in there," Brenda said. Rhoda stood there and sighed as she stared down at the belt. "You do think he's going to come back don't you?" she asked getting nervous.

"I don't know," Rhoda said.

The two sat there in silence for a moment. "I'll be back in a little while. I'll call you tonight." Rhoda closed her suitcase and looked over to Brenda who stood up. "See you soon Bren," Rhoda said as she hugged her.

"Bye," Brenda said and then let go.

Rhoda grabbed her suitcase off of the bed and left the room. Brenda followed her out to the living room. As soon as Rhoda got the door, she stopped and turned around. "Oh yeah, one obvious favor from you," she started.

"Don't tell mom?" Brenda asked.

"Ding ding ding! We got a winner!" Rhoda said.

"Don't ya think she'll notice the fact that you're gone?"

"Just tell her I was called out of town, Mary needed me to help with something."

"Sure," Brenda said as they both left the apartment.

**Let me know whether or not I should continue. **


	2. Three Missing Words

Chapter 2: Three Missing Words

_I just poured my heart out  
__There's bits of it on the floor  
__And I take what's left of it and rinse it under cold water  
__And call him up for more  
__And I say baby, yes I feel stupid to call you, but I'm lonely  
__And I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me  
__And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you do, you'd feel it too  
__He said I'm sorry  
__so sorry  
__I'm sorry  
__so sorry  
__He grabs my wrists  
__as my fingers turn into angry fists  
__and I whisper why can't you love me, I'll change for you  
__I'll play the part_

_ ~ Sorry by Maria Mena_

Rhoda stood outside of Joe's wrecking company. She didn't want to, but she had to. She wasn't about to leave New York without telling him first. Whether it was to show him that she could also walk out, or simply because she wanted to know if she could still keep her faith in his return to her. Either way, she slowly entered the building. With hesitance, she entered his room. "Joe?"

Joe looked up to her from his desk. "Rhoda, I told you, I just need some time on my own." His voice was gentle, but his words stung at her.

"Right," Rhoda said as she set down her suitcase. "I just wanted to tell you that I was going out of town for a few days."

"Where to?"

"I'm thinking about going to Minneapolis."

"Does this mean that I can go back and get a few things?" Joe asked.

Those words angered her. The nonchalant way that he had asked to the look in his face. Everything that had indicated to her that he did not care.

"That's it?" she asked. "I'm leaving and all you want to know is whether or not you can get your things?" She had no idea how to react to this. Part of her wanted to strangle him while the other part wanted to cry to him and beg for him to end all of this.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked starting to get irritated. "Act like your father? Tell you not to go? I can't do that."

"You're right." She calmed herself down. "Why should I care? Its not like I love you or anything? Its, its not like I have any desire to know that you still care."

Joe's expression softened as he stood up and walked over to her. "Rhoda," he said as he grabbed her shoulders. "I care, I really do. But I do think that I'm doing what's best. You were up there the last few weeks. You know how its been between us."

"Alright Joe," she pulled away from his hands. "I'll let you know when I come back. Maybe then I'll let you come and get your things."

Rhoda turned and started to leave, but stopped at the door. There was one more thing she had to ask before she left. Slowly turning back to him she gathered her words. "Just one question."

"Shoot," Joe said.

"Both our faults?"

He could see it in her eyes. It was tugging at her. She needed to know exactly what had happened, and she was going to blame herself until she did. "Its nothing you did."

Rhoda nodded. "I see," she said and then left. It was too painful to say good bye, all it would do was make the situation sound permanent.

OOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOO

Rhoda sat there on the plane. This was it, she too was leaving. After she had gone through all the trouble of telling Joe that he was not allowed to grab his things, she had grabbed all of hers' and left. There was about an hour left until she got to Minneapolis. That was about as far as her plans went. Get there and tell Mary.

What about after she told Mary? What about going back to New York? Reality hit her, and it hit her hard. It was over. The relationship that they both worked on, had just came crashing down. It wasn't a long marriage, but it was still hard to grasp the concept that two people could love each other for over a year, and then within minutes end. In the amount of time it took to get to know him, to find out that they loved each other, to get him to propose and get married and get an apartment together they grew closer and closer. How could all of that suddenly not matter any more?

oooOOOoooOOOoooOOOooo

Mary sat at her desk, next to Murry as he went over the idiot cards for Ted. "Is argument causing too many big words in one sentence?" Murry asked without taking his eyes off the card.

"Not for most people," Mary said as she looked over.

"Yeah, well if you haven't noticed, Ted isn't most people," Murry said.

"Why don't you try fight provoking? That's only one word," Mary said.

"When did we transfer from caring what he messed up to just making sure its only one word per sentence?"

Mary stood up and shrugged. "Try spelling everything how it sounds rather than how it is actually spelled." She walked over to the filing cabinet and grabbed a few of the files.

Murry motioned to her with agreement. "Why don't we just call up a kindergarten teacher and ask for methods on teaching children how to read?"

"Mary?"

Mary turned back from the cabinet and saw Rhoda standing at the door. "Rhoda?" Perplexed, she walked over and stood before her. Instantly, she saw the suitcase and knew that it wasn't good. "What are you doing here?"

Rhoda looked around and sighed. "Look, there's a few things going on back at home and I just needed to get away for a couple days. I'll explain to you later after I go find a room. I just wanted to catch you before you left work. That way I would know ahead of time if you had a date over or something."

"Oh Rhoda, you don't have to do that," Mary started.

"Yes I do Mare, walking in and sitting there through a date that you're not on isn't exactly what I would call fun. Trust me, I've done it before."

Mary slightly laughed. "I meant going to find a room. You can stay with me."

"You sure about that? Because I'm pretty sure that the last time we did this it didn't work out too well."

"Well, this is different, I haven't seen you in while."

"Alright, Mary, you have yourself a roommate," Rhoda said forcing a small smile. It wasn't that she wasn't happy about having someplace to stay, the thoughts of Joe were just still there in her head. His leaving, his walking out that door.

_"Oh no! I will not have that hanging over my head!" Rhoda said as she rushed over towards the door. "Joe you walk out of that door now don't...!" _

_Joe stopped there halfway out the door. "Don't come back? Is that what you're gonna say?" He asked, cutting her off. _

_"Who was gonna say such a thing?" she casually asked as she shrugged. "There are many ways to end that sentence." It was purely to cover up what she truly wanted to say to him, to hide what was going on right before her. "Don't uh, forget the milk. Don't uh, c-c-cross uh, against the light." She shrugged as she thought of another one. "Don't talk to strangers." She had had it. Her head went down as she briefly closed her eyes. "Don't do this to me." _

Murry looked up and watched the two for a second. "You know, you only have an hour left. I could cover for you if you want to take her to your place," he offered.

"Cover for what?" Lou asked as he walked over to the small group.

"Well, Mr. Grant," Mary started. "Rhoda here has an emergency and she sorta needs me. I was wondering if I could leave an hour early."

Lou stood there and looked at Rhoda for a minute. "Hey Rhoda," he said.

"Hey," Rhoda replied.

"How are you?"

"Alright."

"She looks fine to me," he said.

"Come on Mr. Grant, one hour. I'll make it up tomorrow by staying an hour late," Mary said.

"Fine, but remember that you're staying late tomorrow," he said as he headed back to his office.

"I will," Mary said and then grabbed her coat.

OOOoooOOOoooOOOooo

Rhoda had just gotten done unpacking her small amount of belongings that she had brought.

"Is there anything you wanted to do tonight? Anything you needed?" Mary asked as she went through the fridge in the kitchen looking for what they could have for dinner.

"No, I don't think so."

"You want to talk?" Mary asked. She closed the fridge and look to her friend with concern. No more than a few sentences had been exchanged between the two. It was obvious that there was something wrong, and she was just waiting for the right moment to finally ask what it was.

Rhoda sighed. There was so much going on, but no real way for her to put it into words. "I don't know," she said as she plopped down on the couch. "I mean what much is there to say when your husband leaves you?"

"Oh Rhoda," Mary said. "What happened?"

"Well, for starters, he wasn't as happy as he wanted to be. He was tense and I was tense, it just wasn't all that great between us the last month. I thought if I finally brought it up instead of avoiding it that we would come up with some solution." Rhoda looked over to her. "Something tells me that I would still be in New York with Joe in our apartment if I hadn't said anything. But no, I had to start something. I couldn't just unlock the door, give him a towel and say sorry."

Mary cut her off. "Unlock the door and give him a towel?" she asked as she walked over to join her.

"Well, there might have been a minor fight before the fight," Rhoda said. "I locked him out on the terrace and it had started to rain."

"I see," Mary said. "Was this how it was the last few weeks?" She sat down and joined her.

"We had small fights, nothing that no one else would have living with someone." Rhoda sighed and looked back down towards the floor. "It was just tense feeling. Little things would get on his nerves and then I would get irritated. Like last week when I came home with the groceries. I thought I would bring home a bottle of wine for us and all he was stuck on was the fact that I had forgotten bread."

Mary sighed. "Is there any chance of him coming back?"

Rhoda shrugged. "Slight one." She looked up at Mary. "I dunno kid, maybe I just wasn't meant to be married."

"What makes you so sure that he isn't coming back?"

"One of the last things that we talked about was whether or not he could go back to the apartment and get his things. You would think someone who's coming back would be able to leave everything." Rhoda let out a small laugh. "But hey, I guess having his things is a guarantee that he'll be back right? Whether or not he stays is still a big question though."

Mary just sat there and listened while she went on. There was no use in cutting in when there was nothing for her to say.

"What really bothers me is that he didn't say that he loved me, and I didn't say that I loved him. Most people who love each other tend to say those three little words to each when they leave."

"Don't dwell on that, I mean you two were fighting. No one thinks to say anything like that when they're fighting," Mary said trying to comfort her.

"We weren't when I told him I was leaving. I went to his wrecking place just to tell him that I was coming here and when I left we didn't even say goodbye or I love you or any of the sort. He did tell me that it wasn't all because of me, but that was it," Rhoda's eyes were starting to water as she looked down for a second. She looked back up and caught Mary's eyes. "I went there to see what he would say. I wanted to hear him tell me no, don't go. All he was interested in was whether or not he could get his things."

"You two need a break from each other and he didn't want to interfere with you're little vacation. Did you ever think of that?" Mary asked. All she wanted to do was to make sure that Rhoda didn't completely feel out of hope. The only problem that ran through her head was that small little what if. What if he didn't come back? Then what good would all this optimism be?

"I hope you're right," Rhoda said.

Mary didn't say it out loud, but deep down she too hoped that she was right.

_~ This is dedicated to the couples out there having a rough time especially Veronica and Brandon and Kay and Joe_


	3. The Next Morning

Chapter 3: The Next Morning

Mary woke up the next morning. As she walked out, she saw Rhoda sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in her hand.

"Hope you don't mind. I got up early and made some coffee," Rhoda said as soon as she saw her.

"Mind?" Mary asked as she grabbed herself a cup. "I'm actually glad. You just saved me a few minutes this morning." She went and grabbed a seat across the table from Rhoda. Even though she really didn't want to bring up the topic again, she had to ask. "How are you doing?" It was a simple question that everyone asked each other. This time though, she knew where it was going to lead to.

Rhoda shrugged. Both hands were clasped around the cup as she pulled it away from her mouth. "Better." Setting the cup down, she watched it for a second. "I'm still upset, but I'm more used to the idea." She looked up to Mary. "You know what I mean?"

"Yeah," Mary said. She was glad that Rhoda was starting to feel better, but she had no idea what she was going to do to while she was at work. There was just something about the idea of leaving her friend alone that she didn't like. "You mind finishing this over lunch today? I still got to get ready and I don't think I can afford to be late today."

"Sure Mare. But you mind dropping me off at Hemple's. While I'm here I might as well stop by and visit a little," Rhoda said as she stood up and took her cup to the sink.

Mary stood up and followed her. "Actually, why don't you drop me off and keep the car for the day? I don't need it all day and I don't think you need to stay in one place all day."

Rhoda shrugged. "Alright, but only if its okay with you," she said.

"I insist."

"I should probably call Brenda and see what ma's up to. She's probably already suspicious and Brenda's trying to fight the urge to tell the truth."

"Why don't you call while I get ready and then we can leave?" Mary asked.

"Sounds good." Rhoda watched her walk into her room and then she slowly walked to the phone and picked it up. It seemed to ring forever.

"Brenda?" she asked with excitement. She stopped to listen to her. "Yeah Bren, I'm still over in Minneapolis." Pause. "Right, I should only be a few days. It's weird being out here ya know? Last time I was I lived in the same building with Mary and Phyllis. Now Mary's in a new building and Phyllis is gone." Another pause as her smile turned to more an annoyed look. "Yes, the one that forgot to pick me up." There was a short pause. "Hey, ya mind if I ask something real important?" She anxiously awaited the answer. "Good, and make sure that she doesn't find out."

There was something else that she desperately wanted to ask, but she couldn't. A part of her already knew the answer, and it wasn't what she had wanted to hear. What the hell, she thought to herself. The worst that she could hear, was what she had already braced herself for. If she heard anything else, she could only be happily surprised. "One more thing before I have to go. Did um, did ya..." It was hard to spit out, but she had to. "Did ya by any chance hear from Joe at all?"

Mary started to walk out of her room, but froze as soon as she saw that Rhoda was still on the phone. The silence as her back was to her. Badly, she wanted to see her face, to see how the call was truly going. The last thing she had wanted to do though was to interrupt the conversation.

"Thanks. See ya soon Brenda." Rhoda slowly hung up the phone. Her eyes were still glued to it. Brenda's final response on the phone still running through her head, and yet she had no idea on how to react.

"You okay?" Mary asked.

Rhoda quickly wheeled around and saw her. "Eavesdropper," she teased. The smile on her face was far from genuine, but it took everything to force it.

"What did she have to say?" Mary asked in another attempt to get something out of her.

"Well," Rhoda started. "I guess I could tell you that Joe indeed did call to make sure that I had gotten here alright."

"That's a good start."

"I don't know Mare. He asked Brenda how long I was going to be here."

"What's wrong with that?" Mary asked as she went and grabbed her coat and purse.

"I think he was just trying to find out how much time he had before he gave me a decision," Rhoda explained as she grabbed her coat and purse and followed Mary to the door.

"Why do you think like that?" Mary asked as she opened the door.

"From experience mostly," Rhoda said as she closed the door behind them.


	4. Trying to Help

Chapter 4 : Trying to Help

Rhoda walked into the empty apartment. She had just gotten back from meeting up with her former coworkers over at the department store. It was something that was supposed to be fun, but it was far from it. They didn't know that she had gotten married, and that was basically the only thing that had changed since she had last seen them. The only problem was that her marriage was the last thing that she had wanted to mention right now. If the marriage was brought up, then next would be the separation.

Silence surrounded her, this was truly the first time that she had been alone since he left. It was weird. Slowly, she made her way over and sat down on the couch. It wasn't her apartment, but it didn't need to be. The loneliness had settled in regardless.

She had lived on her own before, but this was different. Then, she had known and expected to come back to an empty place. Now, all she had to look forward to when she got home would be the empty reminder of what was. Of what she used to have.

"Better get used to this," she told herself. "This is what its gonna be like from now on." It was a harsh reality that seemed to keep slapping her in the face, but she had to get used to it. There was no way around it. Joe had left her, and that was all there was to it.

Mary sat at her desk as she went through the mail before her. Murry sat down at his desk and looked over. "Anything for me?" he asked.

"What?" Mary asked. She had been a bit preoccupied. Her thoughts had been centering around how Rhoda was. It was worrying her.

"Are you okay Mary? You haven't been yourself today," Murry said.

"Well," she said as she set down the stack of envelopes. "I have been a bit worried about Rhoda."

"She doing bad I take it?" Murry asked.

"She's being way too down on herself. She's saying that she was never meant to be married, that the only reason he has asked about is so that he knows when he can go back and get his things. There's a chance left for him to come back and she has completely gotten that out of her mind."

Murry turned to her. "Sorry to say this Mary, but I don't think I would be all that optimistic if Marie left me."

Mary sighed. "Is it so bad for me to want her to keep her hopes up?" she asked.

"Of course not," Murry said and then turned back to face his desk. "Unless she ends up getting them crushed."

"Thanks a lot," she said.

"Anytime."

That night, Mary walked in the door with bags in her hands. "I hope you don't mind. I figured neither of us would want to cook tonight, so I got take out instead."

"Perfect," Rhoda said. She had been curled up in the chair looking through a magazine. "Good food in minutes with minimal clean up."

Rhoda set the magazine down and followed Mary to the kitchen. "How was your day?" Mary asked as she pulled containers out of the bag.

"Eh, it was okay. Some of the people I liked are gone and there were some new ones that I didn't know." Rhoda shrugged. "Kinda made it feel like I had been gone for more than just a couple of years." Her eyes wondered around the apartment. "I guess the new apartment and absence of Phyllis doesn't help much either."

"I guess it wouldn't," Mary said.

Rhoda let out a small laugh. "Wouldn't she love to see this, my marriage didn't work out any better than hers."

Mary looked up to her in surprise. "Joe didn't cheat on you did he?"

"Oh no," Rhoda said. "He might as well have though." She sat down at the table and looked down at her hands.

Mary didn't know what to say to that. "Was it really that bad?" she managed to ask.

Rhoda looked up and sighed. "I doubt you've ever had anyone cheat on you have you?"

Mary shrugged. "There was one," she started.

"How much did you care about them? I mean how badly were hurt?"

"I don't know. It was a while ago, I don't really remember it to tell you the truth. It was before my engagement."

"I was kinda hoping you would say that you felt horrible." Rhoda leaned on the table and watched Mary. "People usually are a little hurt when that type of thing happens you know."

Mary laughed as she turned to the cabinet and started to grab plates and cups. "He didn't mean that much to me though. We had only been dating for a week if even that. I'm just glad that I found out before things got serious."

"While ninety nine percent of the world is more bothered than you about that sorta thing, I have a point to make that they would understand more than you would. When someone cheats on you, you get this message that they love you, that they could do better than you. Its basically them telling you that they don't want you and that you're not enough for them." There was a small break. The sadness gradually building in her eyes. "When Joe left, I got that same thing from him that I would have gotten if I would have seen him with another woman."

The both stood there in silence. "I think I'm going to go for a walk, excuse me," Rhoda said as she broke the silence. Mary watched her leave. There had to be something that she could do to help. That was when the idea came to her. Without a moment's notice, she walked to the phone and pulled out the organizer in which she kept her numbers. The one that she needed was right there. She dialed and waited for an answer. "Hi, Brenda. Remember me? Its Mary." She waited for a second. "Yeah, Rhoda gave me the number when she was living with you. You think you could do me a favor?"


	5. Choices and Decisions

Chapter 5: Choices and Decisions

Brenda had called Joe up and asked him to meet her for lunch. He had been hesitant about the whole thing, well, hesitant was an understatement. More or less Brenda had to argue and beg him for about fifteen minutes before he even considered the idea. The last thing that he had wanted was for Brenda to show up with Rhoda. He just couldn't face her yet. There was too much going through his head. Their last meeting was more than he had wanted or needed at the time.

Guilt was something that he could not handle right now, and he knew that he would feel it as soon as he would see her face. She was supposed to be up in Minneapolis, but with the way his luck had been going, she would have just came back and was getting ready for lunch.

Joe sat there at the table and waited for Brenda. Slowly getting ready to face the worse that could happen at the moment. It wasn't an extremely nice restaurant or anything fancy, so he could be assured that this was a more casual occasion. That to him was a fairly good sign that there should be no surprises.

"Joe!" Brenda said, getting his attention as she took her seat across from him. "We gotta talk."

Joe sighed. "What about?"

Brenda relaxed herself and leaned forward. "Listen, I don't think Rhoda's gonna be coming back to New York." Stopping to see his reaction, she saw a small spark of interest in his eyes. "At all," She said emphasizing it. "As in never returning. Moving away…"

"I get it," Joe said. His eyes gazed down to the floor as he thought over what he had just heard. There was no real certainty as to what he was feeling at the moment, mad, angered, upset, disappointed, depressed, sad. One thing he was sure of though, was the fact that they were all aimed towards himself. "Why don't you think she'll be coming back?" he asked as he looked up to her.

Brenda sat there and thought for a minute. "I dunno. Mary called me last night."

"What did she say?" he anxiously asked.

Brenda shrugged. "I dunno. They had a weird talk last night. About how things used to be, how her marriage failed how you might as well have just gone and cheated."

Joe sat there and just simply listened.

"Were you going to get back together?" Brenda asked.

There was no answer to that. At times he would think that he did want to go back her, where he was thinking that the second she got back he would show up and tell her that he wanted to get back together. Then there were the times that he wondered if they would land in the same place that they were now. Whether or not it would be worth it to get back together. "I don't know yet."

"I think you should go talk to her."

"That's a bit of a distance for a talk," Joe said.

"I still think you should go."

O O O o o o O O O o o o O O O o o o

Mary sat in the darkened living room as she watched a horror movie on her TV. Rhoda, who had just walked out of the bathroom with her pajamas on and her hair in a towel, noticed the silence before hand and opened the door cautiously. As soon as she walked out and spotted Mary, she crept up behind her. Once she was standing right there, she quickly grabbed Mary's shoulders and yelled "Gotcha!"

Mary screamed as she jumped. "Rhoda!" She yelled upon turning around to see her. She grabbed a pillow and threw it at her.

Rhoda picked up the pillow and carried it with her to the chair as she laughed. "Sorry about that kid," she said sitting down. "But you sound like a mouse when you scream. I just had to."

Mary was still trying to catch her breath. "Not funny Rhoda, you really scared me."

"Would you think it was funny if you scared me?" Rhoda asked.

Mary glared to her and then cracked a slight smile. She was about to say something, but the phone rang. "Excuse me," she said and got up to go answer it.

"In her your own home you still feel the need to excuse yourself from a room."

"Yeah, well," Mary said and then picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey Mary, its Joe," he said. Wanting to get right to the point, he didn't even wait for her to say anything. "Brenda told me what you two want me to do."

"And?" Mary asked. She wanted to keep it brief before Rhoda started to get curious.

"Well," Joe sighed. "I'll come out there. Tomorrow around four alright?"

Mary softly smiled. "Sure."

Joe was about to say goodbye, but hesitated. "I know that you want this to be a surprise, but could you at least answer a few yes or no questions?"

"What is it?" Mary asked. She wanted to get off the phone, but she couldn't just cut him off like that.

"I just want to know what to expect when I get out there. Is she mad?"

"No."

"Hurt?"

Mary hesitated. "Yes."

That wasn't a surprise to him, but it still hurt him. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt her. He wanted to stay with her. No matter what was said or what had been done, he wanted to stay. Something was nagging at him though. A familiar feeling. The feeling that he had gotten before he had left his first wife. The same thing was happening, and he didn't want to let it get to the point where he would actually hurt her. "Does she truly wanna see me?"

"Yes."

"Thanks. See ya."

With that, the phone line went dead. Mary slowly hung up the phone and went back to sit down on the couch.

"Who was that?" Rhoda casually asked.

Mary thought for a second. "It was just Murry. He had a few questions about a story we were working on. I took the notes for him and I guess he had forgotten them."

"Oh," Rhoda said. Something was wrong. It didn't take a genius to figure that one out. The changes in Mary's expression were obvious. She had gone from her normal self to distant and solemn within the five minutes that she had been on the phone. "Don't take this the wrong way Mare, but you look pretty bad right now. Something bothering you?"

Of course there was something wrong. She was starting to wonder how great of an idea this was. Every 'what if?' situation was going through her head. What if they weren't ready to see each other yet? What if things are made worse between them? What if they just weren't meant to be and she was messing with something that she shouldn't be messing with? "No, I'm just tired."

"Hey, if you wanna go to bed, don't let me keep you up."

Mary laughed. "Sure, say that after you scare me half to death."

Rhoda rolled her eyes. "I just added some excitement to your life."

Mary stood up. "Like a possible trip to the hospital?" She started to walk towards her bedroom.

"That's how everyday in New York is for me," Rhoda said turning back to face her.

"Goodnight Rhoda!" Mary called from her room.

"Night Mare," Rhoda said and then turned back. She turned the TV on and decided to watch the end of the movie.

Mary waited a minute and then stepped back out of her room.

"Too quick there to be predictable!" Rhoda called out.

Mary just turned back and walked into her room. There was something that was telling her that tomorrow was going to be a bad idea. It was nagging at her more and more. She was happy tonight to see Rhoda in a good mood, and then that phone call. "This is crazy," she softly laughed to herself as she stopped before the mirror. "You're bringing two people back together." There was a long silence as her smile slowly changed to a frown. "Right?" she asked herself.


	6. This Night part 1

Chapter 6: This Night (Part 1)

Joe had his suitcase next to him as he sat in the cab. He was on his way to the address in which he was about to see his wife. It was finally starting to make him nervous. It really was kind of silly, he was afraid to see the woman that he had married two years ago.

Mary had told him that he would have the apartment to himself for a couple of hours to get ready, but he was starting to debate whether or not this was a good idea. At was starting to seem like was two more hours to worry. Two more hours to change his mind and head back.

"Right here correct?"

Joe was brought out of his thoughts. "Yeah," he said. Joe grabbed the money to pay him and then left with his suitcase. The door man was told to expect him, so he had no problem getting in. It was simply waiting that the problem would occur.

Natalie Richards was the cousin of Mary. She was tall, slender and had sandy blonde hair that went down just past her shoulders. Today was the day that she figured she would stop in and surprise her cousin. Though she lived in a small town fifty miles away, she was familiar with Minneapolis. Once she had gotten the address, she knew exactly where she was going.

Walking into the lobby, she got to the counter and waited for the doorman to notice her.

"May I help you?" he asked.

"Yes," she answered. "My cousin Mary Richards lives here."

"She's not in right now," he answered.

Natalie sighed. "Well, you think I could go up there and wait for her?"

"There's already someone else up there."

"Good, that way they can tell you if I just decide to go crazy and wreck the place." She was starting to get irritated.

He sighed. "Fine, go ahead."

"Thank you," she said and then continued to the elevator. It wasn't until she had gotten to the elevator that she had started to wonder who could be up in her apartment waiting for her. She got to the floor and walked to the room. Setting her things down, she knocked on the door and waited.

"Hello?" Joe asked as he opened the door. It was obvious that it hadn't been Mary since she didn't just come in herself.

"Well, who are you?" Natalie asked.

"Joe Gerard. Who are you?"

Natalie politely smiled as she picked her things back up. "Natalie Richards. Mary's cousin. If you let me in, I could tell you a little more about myself."

Joe opened the door wider and stepped aside. There was something about this girl that he didn't like, but what was he supposed to do? Tell her to go away? This wasn't his place. He wasn't about to send the owner's relatives away.

"Did Mary know that you were coming today?" he asked closing the door.

"Nope, I'm surprising her. You?"

"She knew I was here." For some reason, he had to stay brief with her. Going into a conversation just didn't feel right.

"Does our little Mary finally have a serious boyfriend?" Natalie asked. She sat down on the couch and smiled to him.

Joe laughed. "No, no. I'm here to surprise her friend who happens to be my wife."

"I see," Natalie said. Leaning forward, she started to play with her hands. "If you're married, than why doesn't she know that you're here?"

"She just came out to visit a friend and I got a couple days off of work." He was starting to get irritated. This was really none of her business and she was starting to ask questions.

"Looks like there's a little more to it than that." Natalie smiled up to him. There was something behind those deep brown eyes, something dark. The deeper intent of this conversation was becoming very obvious to Joe.

Joe sat down in the chair and firmly looked to her. "What does it matter to you what happened?"

Natalie laughed. "You're ashamed. She left you and you're ashamed of it." She could see that her last remark bothered him. "I didn't mean anything by it. I just found it kinda funny. That's all."

"There's nothing funny about it. I actually left her first, and I shouldn't have."

Natalie backed away. "Oh. I'm sorry." Sitting back into the couch, she watched as eh just stared blankly ahead. "If you don't mind me asking, why did you leave?"

Joe looked up to her and sighed.

Rhoda leaned on the edge of Mary's desk as she, Mary and Murry watched Ted do the news.

"And now onto… Wait, give me a second," Ted said looking through his papers.

"You would think he had to fail a test to get this job," Murry said.

"What does it matter? He was probably gonna read it wrong anyways," Rhoda said.

"Ah, here it is. The number of important cars rises to fifteen million," Ted announced.

Murry dropped his head to his hands. "That's supposed to be imported cars rises to one point five million." He turned to Mary and Rhoda. "I cannot tell you how many times I corrected him for that."

"Its not that bad," Mary said. "Certainly better than the inflammation hitting ten percent."

Lou walked out of his office and joined the group gathered around the TV. "Fifteen million important cars out there huh?" he asked.

"You noticed that one," Rhoda said.

"At least he got imported wrong, or else we'd have Ford, GM and Chevrolet calling us up."

"In Minneapolis?" Mary asked.

"Word gets around," Lou said.

Ted walked into the room and joined everyone else. "Hi guys!"

Everyone turned and faced him. Lou was ready to yell at him. A smile slowly spread across his face. "You know how to read don't you?" His voice was calm and steady as he asked.

"Yes," Ted said.

"Well then why don't you?" Lou asked, raising his voice.

Mary looked over to Rhoda. "You ready to go home yet?"

Rhoda just watched as Ted tried to say that he was reading what was right there on the paper. "Sure Mare, let's go."

The two went and grabbed their coats. "Good night everyone," Mary said as she grabbed hers.

"See ya tomorrow Mare. Bye Rhoda," Murry said.

"Bye," Rhoda responded. As soon as the door closed behind them, Rhoda smiled over to Mary. "What do you think about a movie tonight? My treat."

"I don't know," Mary answered. "You know anything good that's playing tonight?"

"We can always check the listings."

"You can do that while I get freshened up," Mary said as they stopped at the elevator.

Joe sat on the chair. Natalie had worked her way from the middle of the couch to the side closest to him. "You know," she started "it really does sound like she was being unfair to you."

Joe just watched as she took a strand of her hair and played with it between her fingers. He was starting to hate himself for even letting her in, and was hoping desperately for Mary and Rhoda to walk in.

"I mean, she was whining at you to buy a house that you couldn't afford. She was pretending there weren't problems that were there. She was simply using you. Just had you there for her needs. What about your needs Joe? I know you have them, everyone does."

"You don't know anything about Rhoda or my needs or how my marriage was." This girl was starting to bug him. He needed to get rid of her, and soon. It was sad, but he knew if she hit the right buttons, she could possibly get what she wanted out of him.

Natalie shrugged as she sat back. "Well, your wife obviously wasn't good enough to stay with. So your marriage couldn't have been all that great."

Joe stood up. He had had it. "Look, this wasn't Rhoda's fault! It had nothing to do with Rhoda. I, as in myself, was starting to feel the same way I did around the time that my first wife and I split, and I didn't want to hurt her like that. I wanted to get out of there before I said things I would regret."

Natalie stood up before him. Her eyes meeting his. "So, were you going to officially end it tonight?"

"I don't know," he honestly answered.

Natalie took her hand and began to brush it through his hair, but he flinched back. "I haven't ended anything yet."

"You ended it the minute you walked out that door," Natalie said. She closed the distance that he had made between them. "What would you have done anyways? Go back to her for another two or three years and then do the same thing?"

Joe stood there. His eyes were locked on hers. Everything felt wrong, but he couldn't move away. Suddenly, her words made sense to him. It wouldn't work out anyways. That didn't mean that he wanted to give up just yet. He still wanted this girl off of him and he wanted to talk to Rhoda. It was just getting harder and harder to move away from her. He could feel her arm grab his neck.

"Really lying like that to her would make things worse. And no one needs false hope now do they?" Her lips slowly touched his. He accepted it.

"Surprise! Oh my God!"

Joe quickly pushed Natalie away. Mary stood wide eyed in the entrance with her arm holding the door open. Next to her, in the middle of the doorway stood Rhoda. No wide eyed expression, no anger or depression in her eyes. Just simple and utter betrayal.

"Rhoda," Joe said as he started to walk to her. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" she asked. "We were separated and you were doing what you wanted. If anything, I should be thanking you. I thought we could have had another chance, and you showed me that we don't." Holding back her tears, she walked up to him and looked down at her hand. "Just so that its clear to you." She slid her ring off her finger and let it fall to the ground. Looking up, the tears had already started to fall from her eyes. "Its over."


	7. This Night part 2

Chapter 7: This Night (part 2)

Rhoda rushed off to Mary's bedroom and closed the door. "Rhoda!" Joe called out as he ran after her.

Mary dropped her arm from the door to her side. "What did you do?" she hissed. The door closed behind her as she slowly made her way to Natalie. "What are you even doing here in the first place?" Mary knew her cousin, and she knew Joe. This was obviously Natalie's fault. Deep down, she knew that Rhoda did have that right to be mad and that Joe was a little responsible, but still this was the girl who did what ever it took to steal the man that she happened to like for the time being. She had seen her do so to many of her friends. This was no exception.

Natalie shrugged. "I thought I would surprise you."

"Well it worked, I'm surprised," Mary said.

Natalie sighed. "I just saw a man who was suffering and I tried to help him. That's all. Really."

Mary was about ready to lose it. "That man was here to see his wife! He wanted to talk to her! How can you not comprehend that? He's not yours!"

Natalie sat down and crossed her arms. "Fine, I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do now, but there isn't. All we could do is wait out the fight and then send them home."

"No. I think you're the one going home," Mary sternly stated.

"You're picking those losers over your own family?" Natalie asked.

"I'm picking my best friend who is more like a sister to me over the pathetic little spoiled brat before me," Mary said.

Natalie stood up and smiled. "Well, our little Mary's not such a push over anymore."

"Just get out!" Mary demanded.

O o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Joe opened the door and walked in to see Rhoda sitting on the edge of the bed. Her back turned towards the door. "I need to explain."

Rhoda quickly turned. Tears stained her reddened, puffy face. "Explain what Joe? Huh? Explain how it felt kissing her? Is that it? Or maybe you wanna tell me why you prefer her over me?"

"Will you stop for a moment?" Joe asked starting to get irritated.

Rhoda stood up. "Okay. All right, that's fair. I'll stop talking, making comments. I'll stop asking questions," her eyes were watering again as she struggled to keep her voice steady. "You know, trying to figure out why you're doing this to me."

"I didn't mean to kiss her," Joe assured her.

"Forget about the damn kiss!" Rhoda snapped. "All right? I don't even care about it anymore." She turned her back to him and walked to the other side of the room.

"Then what the hell are you going on about?" Joe asked. There was no answer from her. "It could be so much easier if you would just tell me…"

Rhoda quickly turned and cut him off. "How blind are you Joe?" she yelled. "It doesn't take a fucking brain surgeon to see what's wrong with this picture! You leave me and give me an answer that says basically nothing but that its my fault! You come all the way out here and end up with another girl! You tell me how I should be reacting!"

"I don't know! All right? I'll admit it!" Joe said.

"Maybe you should go," Rhoda said.

Joe just nodded. "Yeah," he said in defeat. "I love you," he said and then left the room.

Rhoda just sat down on the bed, "I love you to," she said through her tears.

Joe walked out and saw Mary standing. "I'm so sorry," was the first thing that came out of her mouth.

Joe briefly stopped. "I know," he said and then continued to the door. "This really isn't your fault though," he said as he grabbed his suitcase.

Mary was close behind him. "I'll talk to her tonight. I know Natalie pretty well and I know that it was her fault."

Joe sighed. "Look, I don't know if we can keep doing this. Maybe I should just leave so that we don't end up completely hating each other."

"No. Just, just give me a chance to talk to her. Okay? Call tomorrow at eight."

"Fine. But I only took four days off of work, so after that I have to leave no matter what happens."

Mary just nodded. "See ya," she said opening the door for him.

"I'll call," Joe reassured before he left.

As Mary watched him leave, the apartment fell under and uncomforting silence. After she closed the door, she walked back to her room and saw Rhoda sitting on the edge of the bed. No more tears, just a blank stare. "Rhoda?"

"I'm fine. Really." Her voice was steady. Everything that was going on, emotionally, mentally was all somehow just stopped. It didn't matter. What she felt now wouldn't do her any bit of good. It was pushed to the point where she had gone numb and didn't care anymore.

Mary leaned her back against the wall. "You know, you don't have to put up an act."

Rhoda just looked up to her. "What act? What could I possibly act out? That I'm married? That options done with. That I care? First I would need a reason to care, which right now there is none." As soon as those words crossed her lips, she stopped and quickly looked away.

"That's not true," Mary said. "You're not doing yourself any favors by hiding all of this." 

"So what? You gonna tell me how I'm supposed to feel?"

"No!" Mary said standing back up. "I just know that you're lying to me! And even worse, you're lying to yourself."

"Maybe I am, why does it matter? Aren't I entitled to one night of thinking that maybe I don't need him?" Rhoda shrugged. "I don't know, maybe a few hours of thinking hey! Guess what Rhoda! You're single again, but its alright. You didn't lose much, just someone you loved, you'll move on. And hey! Guess what? In five years you're kid will be asking you why everyone else has a daddy and they don't. And you know what I'll tell them? Mommy was too difficult and forced him out of our lives honey!"

Mary just stared down at her. "Kid?"

Rhoda just looked up and sighed.

_There are things I have done _

_There's a place I have gone _

_There's a beast and I let it run _

_Now its running that way _

_There are things I regret _

_But you cant forgive _

_You cant forget _

_There's a gift that you sent _

_You sent in that way _

_So take this night _

_And wrap it around me like a sheet _

_I know I'm not forgiven _

_But I need a place to sleep _

_So take this night _

_And lay me down on the street _

_I know I'm not forgiven _

_But I hope that I'll be given some peace _

_There's a game that I played _

_There are rules that I had to break _

_There's mistakes that I made _

_But I made them my way_

~ This Night by Black Lab


	8. Time to Tell

Chapter 8: Time to Tell

"I'm pretty sure that what ever you've got running through your head there is right," Rhoda said.

Mary walked over and sat down beside her. "Well."

"That was all I could say too," Rhoda said.

"How long?" Mary asked.

Rhoda looked over. "Eight weeks. I didn't find out about it though until after the tension and the fighting had started."

"And that's why Joe doesn't know," Mary said more to herself.

"I found that its one of those subjects that tends to be hard to bring up while in the middle of arguing over the fact that we have no privacy."

Mary looked to her with confusion. It suddenly occurred her that she should have noticed something. "How have you been hiding it?"

Rhoda stared at her for a second. "I said eight weeks, not months. Naturally its gonna take a little while before it shows."

Mary laughed. "No, no. I mean, what about morning sickness? What about the food cravings, and…"

"Don't say that I wasn't more emotional than normal during that fight. I'd hate to think I was always like that," Rhoda said cutting her off. "As for the other stuff. This is my third night here, you haven't had time to look for anything. But the last two mornings, I was up before you. And the food, well I've always like food I didn't need an excuse for it."

"Didn't Joe notice you getting sick or anything?"

"Well, I was able to get up before him and straighten myself out. At first he just thought that I had the flu. Now he doesn't know anything." Rhoda laid back on the bed and stared up to the ceiling. "I hope you know that you're the first person that I've told."

"You haven't even told Brenda?" she asked looking down to Rhoda.

"Nope. I couldn't risk her telling mom and then Joe finding out. If someone's going to tell him its gonna be me."

Mary laid back. "I know this might be a dumb question, but how do you feel about being pregnant?"

Rhoda shrugged. Her hand rested on her belly as she lifted her head and glanced at it. "I dunno," she said turning her head to Mary. "I do want the kid, but it couldn't have come at a worse time."

"Maybe things will get better," Mary suggested.

"Right. Knowing my luck I'll end up having triplets. Two boys and one girl, two work together as criminals and the other a lady of the night, and all by the time they're thirteen."

"Rhoda!" Mary snapped.

"Hey, my husband just pulled a hit and run on me, I think I'm entitled to irrational fears."

"Besides, you know what the odds of even just having triplets?" Mary asked.

"Yeah, I do. I also know how slim the chances are of getting pregnant, fighting with your husband, leaving, having him follow you and then walking in on him kissing with a girl who spontaneously decided to show up the same day he did."

Mary could see where she was going with this. "What if its twins?"

"They can keep each other company while mommy's off being unstable."

"And one?"

"I'll keep it with me while I'm being unstable."

"Way to be optimistic."

The room feel silent as they both just stared up at the ceiling. Mary knew that Joe was going to call sometime soon. It was going to be a second chance. The only that she would change this time would be that she would tell Rhoda this time and they would stay home and wait for him. "You know, Joe said he would call."

Rhoda sat up. "Yeah?"

Mary sat up. "Yeah, around eight."

"You think you can let me answer the phone? I want to talk to him."

Mary just nodded. "I think that would be a good idea."

It was at that moment that the phone rang. Mary looked over to Rhoda, "you wanna get that?"

"Yeah," she absently answered. Standing up, she began to feel nauseous as a wave of nervousness hit her. This was her final chance. Anything that she said could change the course of her life, the course of her child's life. Every step came with a new worry. Everything that she could say wrong. Once finally there, she stopped for a second and closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. The entire process felt like it had taken forever, when really it was only about a half a minute. "Hello?" Her voice was shaky, but she did her best to control it. "Joe? Hey, about earlier, I'm sorry and if you give me a chance, I can finally explain to you why this is all bothering me so much. Okay?" She sat there for a second and listened. "Thank you. Well, I really don't know how to say this, and please Joe, please, be open minded. I'm, I'm uh, well, I'm pregnant Joe."

Mary slowly stepped out to see how things were going. Leaning against the wall, she waited out the painful silence. The last thing that she had heard was Rhoda telling him about the baby. Her heart suddenly sank as she saw Rhoda's head go down.

"All right Joe. I understand," she shakily responded.

Mary could see that she was crying when she lifted her head up.


	9. Alone

"_Once upon a time I was falling in love, now, I am just falling apart_"

Chapter 9: Alone

As soon as Rhoda turned and saw Mary standing there, she frantically wiped the tears from her eyes. "No, don't even ask. All right? I'm fine. Nothing was said that I can't handle."

Mary stood there, silently watching her with pity. The shakiness of Rhoda's knees as stood up caught her attention. Her concern started to grow when she saw Rhoda set her hand down on the table for a minute to steady herself.

"I'm an adult. No more of this stupid crying. What ever happens I have to learn to deal with." Rhoda walked into the kitchen and stood by the sink. Mary followed her in order to make sure that she was going to be okay. Rhoda grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water. Quickly she drank it and then loudly slammed it down on the counter and turned back to Mary. "You're waiting for me to lose it aren't you? Admit it. You're waiting for me to break down completely and cry like there was no tomorrow right?" Her voice was steadily raising.

"Rhoda," she cautiously started. "I think you need to sit down. Its not a good idea to get yourself worked up like this."

"Worked up you say?" Rhoda asked. "You've seen me get worked up before Mare, this isn't worked up! I'm fine all right? Just because I've been knocked up doesn't mean that I have to overreact over every little thing!"

Carefully, Mary approached Rhoda. "You're really starting to make me nervous, now please just calm down and tell me what Joe said." She knew that she would have to do more than just beg, but it was all she could do right now.

"Calm down?" Rhoda laughed. "How could I possibly be more calm?" she practically yelled. "I mean, how could I be anything but calm! Maybe I should call Joe back and tell him that I need time to myself!" She threw her arms up. "Maybe I should ask who the hell he thinks he is to just decide that which responsibilities he can take and when!"

Mary grabbed Rhoda's wrists, and she instantly stopped. She was breathing heavy is attempts to catch her breath and calm herself down. "He told you that he couldn't be there for you because he needed more time to himself?"

She couldn't bring herself to say anything, or even nod. A quivering lower lip and watering eyes were all that resulted. It was enough to give Mary an answer. It didn't matter though, at that moment time seemed to stop. Her knees finally collapsed beneath her. Mary moved her hands from her wrists to her elbows and helped to go down more gently. As soon as Rhoda was sitting on the floor, Mary held onto her hands. The tears came like a rush of water breaking a dam. Everything that had built up was now leaving.

"He isn't all you had. You still have me, you still have your mom and Brenda. Not everyone is just leaving you here." Mary waited for a response of any kind.

Rhoda closed her eyes for a moment and then looked up and wiped them. "I'm sorry about that. I just. He just got to me. Ya know?"

Mary shook her head. "Don't be. You've been through a lot tonight."

"I knew he was gonna do that. The moment he walked out on me I knew he wasn't coming back for anything."

The two sat there in silence. Mary had no idea what to say to that. At the beginning she had been the one to try and be optimistic, she had been thinking that this was just a fight that they would get over. Just realizing how wrong she was, Mary decided to apologize. "I'm sorry."

"What for kid? Not your fault."

Mary nodded. "I, I sorta called and had Brenda see if he would come out here. She talked o him and he agreed to it. I told him to just come here and I would surprise you when we got here."

"So that's why you yelled surprise." Rhoda said. "Wait," she said slowly looking down. There was a brief moment spent in silence. It was ended as soon as her head slowly rose back up. "He didn't decide to come out here on his own?"

"Well no one made him come out here," Mary said.

"Are you kidding me? Between you and Brenda, you probably made him feel guiltier than ever. If you would have not done anything, he would still be sitting in New York wondering when I was coming back." Rhoda stood up. "I think I'm going to bed now. Tomorrow I'm getting a flight back to New York."

Mary quickly stood up as Rhoda started to walk away. "Rhoda!" she called out. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

Rhoda stopped and turned around. "Sure why not? I can go back to MY apartment and make sure that that jerk isn't able to get any of his things back. And to completely make sure of that I think I'm gonna hold a bonfire out on the balcony."

"You can stay here a couple more days if you want," Mary offered.

"Thanks kid, but I still gotta go back sometime and get used to the way that things are gonna be. I have a lot to do, you know. Tell everyone else about the baby, burn Joe's things, start getting the apartment ready."

"I know that you're mad, but you're not really gonna burn his things are you?" Mary asked.

"Listen, all night I've been going back and forth from wanting to cry to wanting to punch him. I think I would rather be mad, and if burning his things helps, I think I might as well." Rhoda turned back and started towards the bedroom.

"Can I at least come for the weekend?" Mary asked.

Rhoda, who had already gone into the room, peaked her head back out. "Actually could ya? I'm a little nervous to explain this to everyone."

"Of course."

"Thanks Mare," Rhoda said.


	10. Back to New York

Chapter 10: Back to New York

Joe sat in his empty hotel room. Nothing to look forward to, and only things to look back on the memories that once were. He knew it was permanently over. After he told her that he needed some time, he could hear it in her voice.

All this time he had been telling himself that this was just like his first marriage. Part of that was true. There were some of the same feelings, but there was something he had not even been mentioning to himself. Something that he had been trying to hide from himself. Everything that he had been trying to forget about was contained in the unopened envelope that he had brought with him.

On the drive back to the hotel, he had been thinking that he would finally tell Rhoda. Tell her what she had needed to hear and stop trying to protect her. But now, now there was a baby. She sounded hurt on the phone, but it was better this way. This way she would never know. He could just disappear from her life and she would never have to hear about his. The thought of having a child and never seeing them or at least meeting them hurt, but it was something he was going to have to put up with, especially if that envelope contained what he had thought it contained.

O o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Rhoda and Mary sat at the table. They had arrived not too long ago. The suitcases were still packed and sitting by the bedroom door. There was no reason for Mary to unpack hers, and Rhoda just didn't want to unpack hers. Made something that she didn't like feel more permanent.

"How long do you think its gonna take for my mom to notice that I'm back?" Rhoda asked.

Mary shrugged. "Why?"

"Because, as soon as she finds out I'm back, she's gonna go on about how I don't tell her anything. My entire life has been made into a Broadway production."

Before anything else could be said, there was a knock at the door. "Open up Rhoda! Its Brenda!"

Rhoda rushed over to the door and opened it. "Brenda? What's wrong?"

Brenda was out of breath as she rushed pass the open door and closed it behind her. Eyes full of guilt, she looked up to Rhoda.

"Oh no," Rhoda said upon seeing her expression. "She knows about Joe?"

Brenda just nodded. "Sorry Rho. She sorta dragged it outta me."

Rhoda sighed. "She's on her way up here?"

Brenda nodded again.

Mary stood up and walked over to join the two. "You think you're ready for that yet?" she asked.

Rhoda shrugged. "What choice I got?" she asked. "Gotta tell everyone sooner or later." To be honest, she was glad that she could get this over with right away. Just tell them and give them the time to get used to it. The way she saw it, there was no way that things could be worse than the last twenty four hours were.

"What? About Joe? What did he say?" Brenda asked.

"You'll find out in a minute," Rhoda said trying to think of what to say when her mother walked through the door. That moment came all too soon.

"Rhoda! I need to talk to you!" Ida called out as she knocked on the door.

Mary looked over to Rhoda who nodded to her. Opening the door, she happily greeted her. "Hey!" she said.

"Hey Mary," Ida smiled as she returned the greeting and then walked right passed her to Rhoda. "The last time I was here, you were married. Is there something that you would like to tell me?"

"He left Ma, what was there to tell you? I'm still married, he just hasn't come back," Rhoda said. She knew that he wasn't coming back, but anything to make things sound better.

"He left? He left you? How could you not tell me about that?"

"She thought he was bluffing," Brenda said.

Ida and Rhoda turned back to her for a second. 'Well, he did say that he just needed some time alone," Mary said defending her.

"That's still something you should mention to your mother," Ida said.

"If you all sit down I'll tell you what happened over the past few days," Rhoda offered.

Ida agreed and she and Brenda went and sat down on the couch. "All right, tell us," Ida said.

Rhoda slowly walked over and stood by the arm of the couch. Mary came over and sat down on the chair beside her. "Well, as you all know, Joe left me. We were having some issues with tension, and arguing."

"Well everyone argues. That's no reason to end a marriage," Ida said.

"Ma please," Rhoda said.

"Sorry. Go ahead."

"Well, then I went over to Mary's to stay for a while and she and Brenda got Joe to come out and talk to me." Rhoda looked to Brenda, "this is where you get lost."

"Of course everyone knows more than me," Ida remarked.

"Anyways, he came out and we had a huge fight. I ended up telling him that I was pregnant and he told me that he still needed more time."

Brenda just looked in amazement while Ida stood up. "How long did you know about this?"

"About two weeks," Rhoda said.

"And he just left you," Ida said as she turned away. "You okay?" she asked turning back to her.

"Yeah," Rhoda said giving her a reassuring smile. The smile was fake, and the answer was a lie. It would be worth it though if she could convince herself that she truly was fine. She was better than the previous night. It could also only get better from now.

"You sure?" Brenda asked. She could see that something was wrong. With the current situation, it was obvious as to what was bothering her, but there seemed to be more to the story than what she was hearing.

"Of course I'm sure. Why would I say I was if I wasn't?" Her eyes suddenly lit up and she made a run for the bathroom.

As soon as Rhoda was gone, Ida turned back and looked to Mary. "Anything else I should know?" she asked.

Mary shook her head. "That's everything, unless she's holding something from me."

O o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

It was around midnight. Rhoda sat up in her darkened kitchen with an opened half gallon of ice cream before her.

"Rhoda?" Mary asked as she turned the light on. "What are you doing up?"

"Thought I would catch up on my eating." Rhoda took a bite. "I figure eating for a second me will be pretty hard, thought I would get a head start on it."

"I see," Mary said as she sat down across from her.

"You want any?" Rhoda offered.

"Nah, I'll let you enjoy it," Mary answered.

"Good, I was trying to be nice. I don't know what I would have done if you said yes."

Mary just laughed. "So, are you starting to feel better about all of this yet?"

Rhoda set her spoon down and leaned forward. "You know, I really am. Just getting the whole announcement thing over with helped a lot. That and the time I spent thinking about it on the plane. Thinking of ways to make this work."

"Yeah?" Mary asked. She was just glad to see that Rhoda was doing better.

"I uh, I made a decision about Joe." She was looking down to her hands. There was still some uncertainty as to how she felt about it, but she knew it was the right one. Slowly looking up, she could see Mary awaiting what she was about to say. "If he comes back about this kid turns two, I can't take him back. If he comes back before then, he's really gonna have to gain my trust again."

"Its not that a disagree with you, but don't you think you should wait until you're a little more together before you make that kind of decision?" Mary asked.

Rhoda shook her head. "No. First, I can still clearly remember last night and how I felt. Mary, I don't want my kid to ever feel like that. To ever get attached to someone and then hear that they need time away from you. He left me once, if I just let him back, he could easily do the same thing again. Sure, It'll hurt me, but think about what it would do to a four year old who misses their daddy. Second, I'll probably stay more firm about it if I make it while I'm still mad."

"Would you still let him meet his son or daughter?" Mary asked.

"I may be a little rude at times, but that's just plain cruel. I would allow him to visit."

"Are you going to file for divorce?"

The question, for some reason stung Rhoda. "I don't know. I mean, with the body I'm about to have, its not like I'll be out dating. Then I'll be too busy to date for a while. Its not like I'm gonna go out and start something serious." She looked up to Mary for a second. "Why?"

"Just wondering. Since you had a few other things thought out I thought you might have a decision about whether or not you would file for one."

"Actually, I think I'm gonna wait for him to send me the papers. I'm already going to be busy." She didn't want to admit it, but she didn't want to be the one to end it officially. It would be like letting him off the hook. After all he has done within the past week, she couldn't just go the easy route with him. He would have to go through and get the paperwork and everything arranged. "I'm sure that he'll be sending me something within the next year."

They sat in silence for a brief moment before Rhoda broke it. "I think we should go to bed. My dad's gonna be wanting to talk to me tomorrow."

"That won't be stressful," Mary said as she stood up.

Rhoda stood up and grabbed the ice cream to put it away. "Yeah, but I don't want to be falling a sleep in the middle of an important conversation."

Mary started to make her way to the bedroom. "I don't think anyone can fall a sleep while talking about something like this."

Rhoda went to catch up to her. "Yeah, with my luck though I'd fall into a coma."


	11. Joe

Chapter 11: Joe

Down the street from Mary's apartment, there was a small bar and since it was Sunday night, it was nearly empty, except for the seat at the counter and the few scattered at the tables. At the counter sat Joe. His fingers gripped around a glass with a few swallows left in it while an empty one sat to the side of him. Glazed over eyes stared down towards the counter. Loneliness was eating away at him, and the alcohol was failing to do its job.

"Two beers," a man cheerfully ordered as he took a seat next to Joe. While he waited, he looked over to Joe. "You all right there?"

Joe was brought back to reality and looked over to him. "What's it to ya?" he nearly growled.

"Calm down there. I was just asking a question."

Joe shook his head. "Hey, I'm sorry. My wife just kicked me out."

"Jeeze. I'm sorry. I know when ever my wife and I fight I usually end up getting kicked out. Don't worry though. Things will get better tomorrow." He reassuringly smiled to Joe, but his smile faded as he saw the stern look.

"Right." Joe leaned his head back and finished the drink in his hand. "Another beer over here!" he called out after slamming the empty glass down on the table.

The bartender finally brought the two drinks to the man. He laid the money down and grabbed a box of cigarettes and a lighter from his pocket. He slid one into mouth and offered one to Joe who turned it down.

"Listen. When I say my wife kicked me out, I mean kicked out. She lives up in New York. I followed her here to talk to her ya know? She was staying with her friend. I screwed up. Now I don't even get a fucking sock." Joe explained, beginning to slur his words.

"Why don't you call her? Maybe she's cooled off by now," the man suggested.

"She wouldn't listen to me." Joe lowered his head. It didn't take a genius to know that she was still mad at him. He had to admit, he even hated himself for what he had done to her. Then, he got an idea. Lifting his head back up, he smiled to the man. "I'm gonna go see Mary."

"Is that your wife's name?" the man asked as he watched Joe stand up.

"Nope, her friend," Joe said. He laid some money down on the counter and started towards the door.

The man quickly threw his cigarette in the ash tray and followed him. "Listen, if you're going to do what I think you're getting ready to do..."

"What would that be?" Joe asked as he slowly turned back to him. "I'm going to ask her to talk to Rhoda for me. Rhoda listens to her all the time."

The man let out a sigh of relief. "Just don't do anything stupid."

Joe laughed. "I already screwed up big time. What else am I gonna do?"

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Mary had just walked into her apartment with her date, Mike Penmark. He was sitting on the couch as she stood in the kitchen. "Would you like anything to drink?"

"You got any scotch?" he asked as he smiled up to her.

She returned the smile. "One scotch coming up!"

"How did you like dinner?" he asked.

"I thought it was good," she said as she poured his glass.

Mike nodded. "Maybe I'll take you their again sometime."

Mary took his drink over to him and joined him on the couch. "I think I would like that. Then maybe I can bring you back here again."

"I think I would like that too."

The two leaned in and started to kiss. That was when the doorbell rang. "Darn it," Mary said to herself as she pulled away. "Excuse me a moment."

"I need to talk," Joe said as he stumbled in.

Mary stepped aside upon seeing that he couldn't walk that well and sighed. "Rhoda's not here. She's back up in New York."

Joe stopped and looked to her for a second in confusion. "She left? She really left?"

"She went back home," Mary said.

Mike looked back and saw what was going on. "Maybe I should leave," he said standing up.

Mary walked over. "No! I mean, you don't have to," she said.

Mike just smiled to her. "Don't worry about it. We can go to my place tomorrow night. Sound good?" he asked.

Mary forced a small smile. "That sounds good to me." The two kissed each other goodbye and then he left. She watched him as he closed the door and then turned her attention back to Joe who was blankly staring down towards the ground. It was hard for her to sympathetic towards him. He hurt Rhoda by abandoning her when she needed him and then walks in and ruins her date. Of course, the second was nothing compared to the first, but it did add to it.

"I need you to talk to her for me." Joe kept his head down.

"I think she just needs some time okay? Just let it go for a week or so and then try to talk to her again."

"I didn't mean ta hurt her Mare, I promise," Joe pleaded.

Mary sighed. She didn't know what to do. It was obvious he wasn't going to leave anytime soon. She walked over to the table and grabbed the drink that she had gotten for Mike. "I don't know what to tell you Joe. You know she's mad. She's not going to want to talk to you and she doesn't need to listen to me tell her about you," she said as she carried the glass to the sink.

"Of course you choose her side," Joe remarked.

Mary turned to him and looked to him with pity. "Give me a good reason why I should encourage her to talk to you tonight."

Joe stumbled over and sat down on the chair. "I'm sick Mary."

Mary's eyes widened. "Here, I'll show you to the bathroom." She started to rush towards him.

Joe put his hands up and shook his head. "No, I mean sick sick. Ya know, doctor stuff."

Mary had froze in her spot. "How serious?" she asked with growing concern.

Joe shrugged. "I haven't opened it yet. I'll see about it later."

"How about we talk about this tomorrow after you have sobered up?" Mary wanted to talk to him now, but she knew that she wasn't going to get anything out of it.

"Don't tell Rhoda," he mumbled as he began to nod off.

Mary nodded. His eyes were shut so she knew he was staying there the night. She went and grabbed a blanket from the closet and put it over him. Before she turned the light off and went to her room, she looked back to him. What if he really was sick? If he was, it would explain a little bit more about what was going on between him and Rhoda. Letting out a small sigh, she finally turned off the lights and went to her room.


	12. All Screwed Up

Chapter 12: All Screwed Up

Mary walked out into the living room to find Joe asleep in the same spot where she had left him. She tried her hardest to keep quiet as she got herself a small breakfast before work and made something for Joe to grab when he woke up, if he was interested in eating yet.

"Mary?" he gruffly asked.

Mary was on her way to the door, but stopped and gave him her attention as she put on her coat. "How are you feeling?"

Joe rubbed his throbbing forehead as he slowly sat up. The sun light coming through the window was his worst enemy at the moment. "What the hell?" he asked finally looking around.

"You came here last night wanting me to talk to Rhoda for you. You were so drunk you basically just passed out here."

"Sorry about that," he said.

"Yeah well," Mary said as she grabbed her purse. "I guess you weren't really in a good state of mind." She was about to leave, but stopped before she grabbed the handle. The last words he had said to her the previous night went through her head. He was sick and to not tell Rhoda.

Her arm fell back to her side and she took a step back. "Joe? Is there something wrong?"

"Yeah, I think my head's gonna explode," he said.

"No, I mean," Mary stopped and thought before she spoke. It was hard for her to ask what she was about to ask. Taking a few steps closer to him, she leaned against the couch. "You told me last night that you were sick, and that I shouldn't tell Rhoda."

Joe slowly looked over to her. He tried his hardest to try and remember, but he couldn't. "I did?" he asked.

"Yeah, you told me that you didn't know yet, but you needed to talk to me," Mary said.

Joe sighed. The painful memories that he had been trying to shove out of his head were all coming back. A familiar pain that he had felt when ever he thought about it. "Maybe during your lunch or something you can take me to my hotel room and I can show you. I have the results there. I haven't checked them yet. I'm afraid to see."

"What were you tested for?" Mary asked.

"You know, the usual. Infections, blood abnormalities, esophagus cancer."

"I see," Mary said. With her friends' lives crumbling before her, it was hard to comprehend everything going on at the moment. She completely stood up and started to turn towards the door. "I'll go with you during lunch."

"Thanks," Joe said.

"Yeah," Mary sighed and then left for wok.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Mary showed up for work. She was absent, more quiet than usual. Slowly, she hung up her coat and then headed to her chair, which was now occupied by Sue Anne.

"Something wrong Mary?" Murry asked upon seeing her.

Sue Anne turned to her. "Yeah, you're usually happier, like annoyingly happy."

"No, there's nothing wrong. Just thinking," Mary said.

Sue Anne stood up. "Has our little Mary gotten herself into trouble? You know there are ways of protecting yourself, and if you need some help I can surely..."

"That's not it," Mary said cutting her off.

"Alright then." Sue Anne was unconvinced as she smugly smiled to her. "If you need me I'll be down the hall," she said as she stood up.

Mary just watched her head towards the door and leave before she sat down. Everything that had happened within the past few days just didn't feel real to her anymore. It was almost as if her life had become one of those movies that you would watch alone when you felt like crying. Two friends coming to her, both problems that they kept from each other, causing strain between them. What was she going to tell Rhoda next time she heard from her? That Joe was just a selfish jerk who had left her? She couldn't do that anymore. There was a reason, a good reason now as to why he was acting so weird.

"You sure there's nothing wrong?" Murray asked.

Mary nodded. She couldn't tell anyone at this point. There was no definite answer to what was going on, so there was no need to start anything. "I'm fine. Like I said just thinking. I think just everything going on between Rhoda and Joe. It just seems weird to me, that's all."

"As long as you're okay," Murray said and then went back to what he was working on.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

While Mary was at work, Joe managed to find out when the next flight to New York was and get his things all packed up to leave that night. The one thing waiting was the results.

The results were in the envelope that sat before Mary and Joe. Neither of them wanted to open it. As soon as they found out what was going on, it would seem too real. There was always the chance of it being nothing, but the odds were against him.

"You want me to open it?" Mary asked.

Joe looked over to her. "Sure," he said. His voice was absent of any emotion, yet everything was rapidly going through his head, playing out every outcome that could come of this, trying to quickly figure out what to do with each possibility. Wondering what would come next for everything in his life. Heart rapidly pounding in his chest, sweating hands that began to slightly tremble as he watched her pick up the envelope. His entire future was printed before him on a piece of paper.

Mary pulled out a few papers and skimmed through each of them. Some statements, records, and then finally, the test results. Each disease and disorder suspected, listed out. Next to them either a negative or positive written by them. All of them were negative, well all except for one.

"Well?" he anxiously asked.

Mary slowly looked up. Eyes full of sorrow. That was all Joe had to see to know. "I'm sorry," Mary said.

"So am I," Joe said.

The room began to feel tense and uneasy, but no matter how bad it got for her, Mary knew that it had to be ten times worse for Joe. "If you need anything," she started. It was pointless, but she had to say something, just to let him know that she did care.

Joe adverted his eyes off to the side as he began to scratch at the back of his neck. "Actually, do you mind if I have some time alone? I gotta finish getting ready to leave. Figure out a few things."

"Yeah, sure." Mary went to leave, but stopped and turned back to him. "I guess all there's left to say now is good luck with things." She stood there a moment as she watched him gaze towards the floor and then turned and continued on her way out.

As soon as he knew that she was gone, Joe began to pace the floor. With every glance down at the paper in his hands, he wished he would just wake up and find out that it was all a bad dream.

He carefully let out a labored sigh and sat down. His eyes went over that paper at least ten times, each time his hand clenching onto it tighter and tighter. The anger had built up to the point where he had finally just crumbled the paper up and threw down to the floor. "Damn it!" he yelled out as he stood up.


	13. Bittersweet

Chapter 13: Bittersweet

Rhoda walked into her apartment. A month had passed since she had returned to New York. A steady job, no husband and a baby on the way. It was better than she thought it was going to be. At this point she had thought that she would feel more lonely, or more depressed, but she wasn't all that depressed. As long as she didn't think about Joe, she was fine.

Her purse on the counter, coat over the chair and shoes at the door. The same routine that she had gone through everyday now. It was all starting to get very repetitive. She didn't know whether or not that was a good or bad thing, but she was certainly getting used to being the only one there.

"Hey Rhoda," Brenda said as she knocked on the door.

"Come in," Rhoda called out from the couch.

Brenda walked in. Right from the start she could see that something was wrong, but didn't say anything. "Hey Rho. I got the mail for you today."

"Thanks Bren. Just leave it on the counter there could ya?"

Brenda closed the door behind her and hesitated to make a move. "Don't you think you should see what you got? I mean the mail man went through all the trouble to bring it here and then I went a head and brought it all the way up here."

"I figure if I don't see the bills in there I can claim that they got lost in the mail and I won't have to pay them." She watched as Brenda stood there for a minute. "Is there something I should know about in there?"

"You got something from Joe," she finally admitted.

Rhoda stood up. "Yeah?" she asked as she walked over and grabbed the big orange envelope from the top of the pile. Considering how things went the last time that they had talked to each other, she wasn't expecting to hear from him again. She nervously looked up to Brenda. "You don't think its the divorce papers do ya?"

"How should I know? I've never gotten any sent to me."

They both stood there and stared at the envelope. Rhoda slowly began to tear the seal and ripped it open. "Here goes nothing," she said expecting the worst. She pulled out the papers and handed the empty envelope to Brenda.

Rhoda took the papers and looked them over. Pacing towards the other side of the room, her eyes widened in shock. Skimming through the papers, her eyes began to water.

"Rhoda?" Brenda asked. Rhoda's back was to her, and she was beginning to wonder what was happening.

Rhoda turned to face her. "He's dying." She looked back down and flipped through a couple of the pages. "I can't believe it, he's dying Brenda."

"How do you know?"

Rhoda picked up the first few pages. "Heres a copy of his will. I get half of his money and Miriam gets the other half. Donnie gets certain things, and there are a few things he wants to leave for the baby." She set those down on the table and grabbed the next couple. "Here's a medical test that he got taken or whatever. Says he's positive for cancer of the esophagus."

"Oh my God," Brenda gasped. She took a seat as she kept her eyes on her sister.

Rhoda set those papers down and held one up. "And finally, a letter." She sat down and looked it over briefly. "Rhoda, I'm sorry for all the pain I have caused you. I know that I must have made things unbearable for you, but you still stuck around. You gave me chances that I know I did not deserve. I started to become nervous when it was becoming harder for me to eat. I finally started going to the doctors. I was so stressed out. Hiding bills from you, waiting for test result after test result, I should have told you. I just couldn't though. I couldn't imagine telling you something horrible and then finding out its nothing. I also couldn't imagine forcing you to stay with me and watching me slowly die. Taking care of me and then the bills, I just couldn't do that to you. Especially now that I know you're pregnant. You need you time and energy for the baby, not a grown man who doesn't have much life to look forward to. I will send you what is left after I pay off the medical bills. Just please, forgive me. I would have tried to be more bearable to live with, but I guess a part of me just wanted to make it easier for when it did come time, I could easily leave without all the guilt, but of course I was wrong. I hope you understand, but I also understand if you never even want to hear from me again. Believe me when I say it, I love you."

Rhoda slowly looked up to Brenda. "I gotta go see him."

"You need me to come with you?"

Rhoda stood up. "No, I need to go by myself." As quickly as she could, she grabbed her purse and walked out the door.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Joe sat in his office. The chemotherapy that he had just started was beginning to show its harsh affects. His hair was still there, but his skin slightly paler, and his body slightly thinner. He had gone down to just desk work.

"Joey?"

Joe looked up. Something that he would never expect to see. "Rhoda?" he asked. That was when he figured it out. She got the letter. Everything was out in the open. "I'm sorry."

"I'll forgive you if you forgive me. Deal?" Her voice slightly cracked as she stood completely still.

"Sounds good," Joe said.

The room fell silent. The once happily married couple could now not think of two words to say to each other. Each was aware of how fragile the other was at the moment. "How much time?" Rhoda asked. It was a question that had been circling her mind ever since she had read the letter.

Joe sighed. "Well, depends. If the treatments do anything I might be able to go a few more years. Right now at the least I got about six months." He sat there for a minute and then sighed. "I'm still wondering how Donnie is handling this. I talked to him yesterday and I don't really know if he realizes what's going on."

Rhoda shrugged. "The kid's eleven. I'm sure he knows, he just doesn't want to acknowledge it."

"Right," Joe said.

Rhoda decided that it was okay for her to go and sit down. As soon as she took her seat, Joe suddenly felt more at ease. "You know, if it weren't for the fact that you were pregnant, I don't think I would be going through the chemo."

Rhoda looked to him with surprise. "What about Donnie?" she asked.

Joe shrugged. "I love him dearly. I really do. But I know that the more time I spend with him, the harder its gonna be when the time comes. I wanna see him grow up, move out, get married have children. That's not possible though. Even a few more years wouldn't let me see him learn how to drive. It would just be teasing me. Besides, I would be so weak, I wouldn't be able to do anything with him anyways. Without the chemo I could still do things up until the last couple of months. Truth be told, I would much rather him remember me like that than weak, thin, pale, bald."

"You really thought this through didn't you?" Rhoda asked.

"Not a decision to be made lightly," Joe said.

"No."

"You know though, if you allow me. Weak or not, I can still see whether that baby's a boy or girl. What you name it, meet it for the first time." Joe stopped and looked up.

"Of course. How cruel do you think I am?" Rhoda asked. "If anything, I want you to move back in."

"Are you sure that you want that?" Joe asked.

"Yeah," Rhoda replied. "I think I can manage to be there for my sick husband."

Joe stood up. "Well, I think I can be there for my wife while she's getting to both have a baby and lose her husband."

Rhoda stood up. "Sounds good to me," she responded as steadily as her voice would allow.

Joe walked around and stood before her. "I think at this point we should promise no more secrets."

"I don't see what we could keep after this," Rhoda said.

Joe wrapped his arms around her waist, and for the first time in what felt like forever, her pulled her closer to him. Rhoda welcomed in his warm embrace and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Ya know," she said looking up into his eyes. "I hate what you did to me. Leaving me like that. There is never going to be any excuse good enough. But I still love you."

"I love you to," Joe said.

They went in and kissed each other. Joe could feel the warm tears rolling off of Rhoda's cheeks onto his. It truly was a bittersweet occasion. They both agreed to stay with each other through his dying process.


	14. Then Go part 1

Chapter 14: Then Go (part 1)

Rhoda slowly paced the living room. It was late as night. She could hear her husband in the bathroom throwing up the dinner that they had shared a little while. Her time for throwing up had just past, now he was here going through a stage that she was pretty sure wasn't going to end. "You all right in there?" she called out.

Joe finally stepped out and held onto the door frame for a moment. The room was spinning around him for a brief moment. As soon as his balance came back, he pushed himself off the doorway and walked towards Rhoda. "I'm fine," he said. Three months had passed since he had come back home. Each passing night seemed to get worse and worse for him. Each passing night, he was beginning to wonder more and more whether or not the next year or so would be worth it. He wanted to see his child born, but what was the point if he would barely be able to stand there. Never be able to actually hold his baby.

Rhoda met him and put her arm around his shoulders. "Are you sure about that?" she asked, walking him to the couch. They both sat down. "I mean you have been getting worse."

"What did you expect?" Joe asked.

Rhoda sat there for second. "I'm just worried about ya. Okay?"

Joe sighed. This was why he had wanted to leave. All this was doing was worrying and torturing her. This was the time that she needed to take care of herself and get ready to be a mother. Of course, he would be lying if he said that he wasn't glad that he wasn't alone. That he did have someone around, someone to distract him. "Because I thought I needed to lose a few pounds?"

Rhoda slightly laughed. "I'm sure that's gonna be hard."

"I need to lose ten pounds by tomorrow morning," Joe said.

"Sounds familiar enough to me," Rhoda remarked to herself. "That was all shot to hell four month ago."

"I'm sorry."

Rhoda smiled to him. "Maybe its worth it."

"Maybe?" Joe asked.

Rhoda laughed. "I think I'm gonna go get ready for bed all right?"

"I'll be there in a few minutes."

Rhoda smiled to him as she got up and left the room, but as soon as she got behind a closed door, she let it go. The tears started to fall from her eyes. Nights spent waiting to see if he was okay. Mornings watching him get up and get ready. The two hours that he had spent down at the office getting things ready. Ready for the day where he would not be able to show up. That one day where he would not be able to leave the apartment.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Mary and Murray sat in the small little restaurant for lunch. There was nothing going on much in either of their lives, but Mary still felt that something was wrong.

"What do you thinks gonna happen with the new owner?" Murray asked.

Mary shrugged. "I don't know. I think when he gets there in a few days he's just going to evaluate us. Look things over." She stopped and watched Murray for a second. "Why? Are you worried?"

"I think we all know who's going to be the first to go if there are any cuts made," Murray said.

Mary sighed. "Yeah, you're right."

"On the bright side, we might get someone who can read," Murray added.

Mary forced a small laugh.

They both later found out that they were wrong. Everyone but Ted was fired from the station.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

The phone rang as Rhoda and Joe looked through different magazines for baby furniture. "I got it," she said as she stood up. "Hello?"

"Rhoda? It's Lou."

"Lou? Haven't heard from you in a while." Rhoda smiled. It was nice to hear from people back in Minneapolis, especially those not completely aware of what was currently going on in her life.

"Well, this actually isn't a social call. I need to know if you're able to make it out here. All of us just lost our jobs and Mary could use some cheering up."

"Oh, wow. Um, I would love you to. You know I would, but we sorta got a little money situation here."

"Don't worry about the cost. Its kinda a little gift from the station."

Rhoda smiled. "All right. Let me check with my doctor real quick and I'll get back to you."

"You need special permission to leave?" Lou asked.

"Didn't Mary tell ya? Joe knocked me up."

"Congratulations," Lou said.

Rhoda thanked him and then got off the phone. After she had gotten the okay from her doctor, she decided to ask Joe about it. "Joe?" she asked as she got into bed with him that night.

Joe looked up to her. All he had wanted to do was sleep, but he figured the few minutes more wouldn't hurt. "Yeah?"

"Mary just lost her job and I wanna go out and see her. Ya mind if I go out to Minneapolis for a few days?"

"Sure," Joe said. Honestly, a few days alone sounded good to him. The last thing he needed was to see that he was pulling her down with him. Day after day he could see the changes in her. Less laughter, less smiling, more distant starting, and more solemn expressions.

"Thank you." She smiled as she leaned over and kissed him. She was truly thankful that he didn't mind her going. A trip sounded great to her. A chance to get away from the harsh reality that she faced at home every morning she woke up. This was her chance to get out and talk to some old friends and try to forget about what was going on back home. There was no way that she would ever truly forget, but just going five minutes without thinking about was good enough for her.


	15. Then Go part 2

Chapter 15: Then Go (part 2)

Rhoda stood there over her open suitcase. Today she was going to see Mary and Phyllis. Mary she was excited about, Phyllis she was dreading. She didn't know how often Mary had talked to her and how much she knew about the current situation that she was in. Lou didn't know about the fact that she had been pregnant and didn't ask about Joe, so she knew that Mary hadn't been running around telling everyone. That was never her nature, but there were just some things that seemed to get around no matter what.

"You almost ready?"

Rhoda turned and saw Joe standing there in the doorway. "Yeah, Brenda here yet?"

"Yeah, she just walked in," Joe said motioning behind him.

"All right," Rhoda said turning back to her suitcase. "Tell her I'll be ready in a moment."

Joe sighed. This was his chance and he knew that he would regret it if he didn't take it. "Actually, can I talk to you a minute?"

Rhoda lowered her head. It was bad, it just had to be. It wasn't like there was much to be said that would completely throw her for a loop. "Yeah?" she asked turning back to him.

Joe closed the door behind him and sat down on the edge of the bed. Rhoda's eyes followed him the entire way. His once strong, beautiful eyes, now worn and weak caught her's. "We can't do this anymore." He waited for Rhoda to say something, but she didn't. Instead, she just waited. "The first month worked out and last month just steadily got worse. I'm sick and there's no avoiding that. It doesn't mean that I have to drag you down with me."

Rhoda nervously laughed. "What are you talking about? This dragging me down stuff?"

Joe reached over and grabbed her hand. "Have you looked at yourself lately?"

Rhoda sighed as she slightly turned and looked at her reflection in the mirror. "I see a married pregnant women who has gained a few pounds."

Joe glanced at the mirror and then back at her. "Look at your face. You're worn out. You don't sleep, you're worried. You should be taking better care of yourself. This should be one of the more exciting times in your life and I'm ruining it for you."

"Is it really such a bad thing for me to worry about you?" Rhoda looked down to him. "I mean really. I care about my husband. That makes me a bad person?"

"I never said that. I feel guilty because of what I'm doing to you. That's all I said."

Rhoda sat down next to him. "Okay. You feel guilty. Now what?"

Joe sighed as he lowered his head. "I got a friend that I can stay with. He's willing to let me stay there rent free. That way you can take care of yourself and do what ever you need to do."

Rhoda couldn't believe what she was hearing. Tears started to form in her eyes. "You're really leaving huh?" she asked looking to him.

"Yeah," he responded.

"I can't stop you. But can you do me one favor?"

"What?"

"Call someone when you're settled. I just wanna know that you're alright."

"I can do that."

"Goodbye," Rhoda said.

Rhoda and Joe leaned in and kissed each other for what would be their final time. Neither of them knew this, but Rhoda did seem to have a feeling it would be. She wrapped her arms around his neck. Nothing would make her happier than to have just let it last, but that was not going ot happen. Joe grabbed her arms and removed them. "You got a plane to catch."

"Right," Rhoda said as she stood up. She closed her suitcase before grabbing it and heading for the door. "See ya," she said pausing at the door and turning back.

Joe smiled and waved to her. "Goodbye. I'll call you tonight."

"You better," she said and then left the room.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Rhoda walked into the airport to see Lou sitting in the wating area. "Hey Lou!"

Lou stood up and turned to see her. "Hey Rhoda. How are you doing?"

Rhoda set her suitcase down and hugged him as well as she could. "I'm okay. You?"

"What kind of question is that? I just lost my job."

"Yeah, why is that?"

Lou shrugged. "New guy. Thinks he's got all the best ideas in the world."

"I see. They're gonna be sorry though when they find out they have to work with Ted."

Lou laughed. "Anyways, how's Joe doing?"

Rhoda stopped for a minute. "Well, not good actually. He's pretty sick."

Lou's face dropped. "Oh, I'm sorry."

"You didn't know," Rhoda said. "Besides, not much you can do about it."

The moment was silent up until Phyllis showed up. "Hi hi everyone!"

Rhoda rolled her eyes to the cheerful greeting, but turned and smiled anyways. "Phylllis!" she said.

Walked over and stopped to look Rhoda over. "Yes Phyllis, I'm pregnant."

"Congratulations," Phyllis said. "So I take it things are pretty good between you and Joe?"

"Yeah," she lied.

"All right, reunion's over. Let's get you to your rooms and then over to Mary's," Lou said. He was excited to surprise Mary and wanted to get there as quickly as possible.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Mary sat at her type writer. The only thought on her mind was the fact that she was about to be jobless. The only thing that helped was the fact that she knew she was able to start over. She had done it before, so she could be able to do it again.

The phone rang. "I'm coming," she said as she got up to answer it. "Hello?"

"Mary? Its Joe." He knew that Rhoda's arrival was supposed to be a surprise, so he figured that unless she said anything, he should act like he wasn't calling to talk to Rhoda. "Has Rhoda called you yet and told you about us?"

Mary leaned against the table. "No, no she hasn't. What happened?"

Joe sighed. "I decided to go and stay somewhere else. She was a little upset with me, but I really do think its for the best. I was taking a toll on her and she really doesn't need that. You think I'm doing the right thing?"

Mary shrugged. "Well, I mean, I don't think she deserves to be hurt again, but I do think she needs to be able to relax."

"I explained to her that it was all for her. You should have seen her though. She's all worn out. I couldn't imagine staying there for another week and putting her through any more."

There was a knock at the door. "Hey Joe? You mind if calling back later? There's someone at the door."

"Sure," he answered.

"And Joe, don't punish yourself over this."

"I'll try not to," he said.

With that they said goodbye and Mary hung up to go answer the door.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Mary, Rhoda and Phyllis all had decided to go out to dinner. After Mary's little mini break down at her apartment, Phyllis and Rhoda wanted to take her out and pay for her dinner.

"So kid, you having fun yet?" Rhoda asked.

Mary laughed. "Yeah, I guess so." It was hard for her to say no. Both her and Rhoda were having just what they needed. A night out to forget about the problems that they had. Mary was there to get away from the fact that she had been fired and Rhoda was there to get away from her husband.

"Just try to enjoy yourself as much as possible." Phyllis glared across the table to Rhoda. "I'm not sure about her, but I came out here to make sure that you get cheered up."

Mary laughed as she looked over to her. "Now Phyllis that's not fair, Rhoda's helping too."

"Yeah Phyllis. Look how amazing she looks compared to me. I might be the one that gets her a date with a rich guy tonight."

Phyllis rolled her eyes. "I can't argue with the first part."

As annoying as Phyllis could be, there was one thing that Rhoda wanted to talk to her about. Back at Mary's apartment, she had found out about Lars's death. By this time it was inevitable that Joe was going to die. There was no way around it, and she wanted to know how to deal with it. Phyllis was never considered one of those people that she would go to for advice, that was always Mary's department. This however was something Mary had never been through. She also thought this was a bad time to start unloading more of her problems on her.

Phyllis sighed. "Could you two please excuse me? I need to go use the powder room."

Mary was waiting for a moment alone with Rhoda. She hadn't yet told her about the phone call and felt that she needed to. As soon as Phyllis was out of sight, she scooted her chair a bit closer to Rhoda.

"Yes?" Rhoda asked noticing that Mary was getting closer to her.

"Joe called me today and told me what had happened."

"Oh, did he?" Rhoda asked looking down. She pretended to be interested in something that was left over on her plate. This was not something that she wanted to talk about right now.

"Rhoda. I'm insulted. I thought I was supposed to be your best friend."

Rhoda looked up to her. "You know you are Mare. I just didn't think that today was a good day to start airing out all my problems again. Besides, this really isn't that big of a deal okay?"

Mary didn't quite believe her, but she didn't want to upset her. "All right. And Rhoda?"

"Yeah?"

"Before Phyllis gets back, I think I would like to take you up on that offer to stay with you in New York for a little bit."

Rhoda smiled. "Sounds good."

"Thank you," Mary said. The two hugged each other.

Phyllis walked back to the table and saw them hugging. Instantly, she felt left out. "So. What did I miss?"

The two pulled apart. Rhoda knew that this was her chance to make Phyllis feel a little more "included".

"Actaully Phyllis, there's something I need to talk to you about. Mary doesn't know anything about what I'm going to tell you. I figured that you could help me the best," Rhoda said as she looked over to Mary.

"Me?"

"Yeah, you. I think you're the best choice for this."

"Well, thank you. You don't know how much that means to me.I mean, to know that you value my opinion like that."

Rhoda stepped in to interupt her. "Do you think we can move on to my problem now?" 

"Oh, of course. What is it?"

"Well, about three months ago, Joe was diagnosed with cancer and he's not doing too well. I was wondering how you dealt with things after Lars had died."

"I'm so sorry." Phyllis then shrugged. "I don't know really. I moved in with family and started over in a new city. Of course, thats coming from a normal person, I don't know what you would do. But I would certainly suggest starting over some place new."

"Doesn't sound liek a bad idea. I gotta get a better place for the baby anyways." She sat back and seriously thought about that. There were a few places that she could check out. There had to be somewhere out there besides that apartment that her and Joe shared. She never thought about it, but it would be hard to live there after he died. A constant reminder of what once was.

**There's one more chapter to go after this. Let me know what you think. I would like to wish everyone a happy Easter. I would also like to thank a few people for helping me with this chapter. My little sister Danielle and my three cousins Taylor, Rhoda and Elise. It was fun and VERY interesting working with you four. **


	16. Then Go part 3

Chapter 16: Then Go (part 3)

_If there's some place else that you would rather be  
__Then go  
__Among the intentions  
__Which have been sought  
__numbered and labelled  
__But none of them bought.  
__I get the feeling you're testing me  
__You're saturated in urgency  
__And if there's some place else that you would rather be  
__Then go  
__Then go  
__I would have lied for you  
__I would have cried for you  
__I crossed the line for y ou  
__I would have died for you_

_ ~Then Go by Damien Rice and Lisa Hannigan _

Rhoda opened the door to the apartment with Mary right behind her. No missing furniture, nothing moved around, and yet everything felt different. A bad different. Empty. The missing presence came from the man who had left. "Welcome to your new home," Rhoda forced.

Mary stepped in and set her things down. "Maybe I can help you find a new place tomorrow." The look on her friend's face was enough to tell her that she couldn't handle it there.

"Yeah," Rhoda said. She walked across the room and sighed. "You wanna know what really bothers me?"

"What?"

Rhoda shrugged as she looked around the place. "I feel relieved. That's horrible isn't it? I mean my sick husband moves out and I feel relieved."

Mary leaned against the arm of the couch closest to Rhoda. "I don't know. I mean it sounds worse that it really is."

Rhoda laughed in spite of the situation. "No Mary, you don't get it. The last time he left I was devastated. I didn't know what to do. When I found out he was sick all I wanted to do was take care of him like some sick little puppy or something. I shouldn't feel this way! I should be worried or something! I should be waiting for him to call!" Rhoda paused and shook her head. "But I'm not. As a matter of fact, I hate to say it and I feel guilty as hell, but I'm glad he's gone." Her eyes started to water. She took a seat in the chair and looked to Mary for a moment. "Do you think I'm a horrible person?"

Mary shook her head. "You didn't like seeing someone suffer."

"Suffer?" Rhoda interupted. "Do you know what its like to wake up in the middle of the night because you're husband is throwing up for the third time that day? Do you know what its like to see someone gradually lose half their body weight? To see someone get weaker and wearker everyday and be able to do nothing about it?" She stopped and calmed herself down. "I wanted to, but I couldn't handle it Mare. If he came back, I would go through the motions and pretned that it doesn't bother me, but really I don't wanna see him anymore than I have to from this point on."

Mary felt herself wanting to cry, but she couldn't. Not now, not in front of Rhoda. "Only a bad person could sit through that and not let it affect them."

"Thanks kid," Rhoda said and then stood back up. "I think I should go unpack my things now."

Mary sat there and sighed. She wanted to help, but there was nothing much that she could do. Everything was out of her control and she hated it.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Two months had passed. Mary had her own job working as an editor for a local newspaper. Again, she and Rhoda lived in the same apartment building. However, this was on the opposite side of town from where Rhoda and Joe's original apartment was located.

Rhoda was working at another department store, mainly with decorating the displays. Being eight months along, she had been trying to take off more time with out having to cut into the time that she was going to take off for when the baby was born.

Rhoda was in the nursery putting up the finishing touches as she heard a knock on the door. "Who is it?" she called out.

"Mary!"

"Come in!" Rhoda said standing back and looking at the stuffed animals that had been placed on the shelf.

Mary walked in and joined her in the nursery. "Nice!" she said as she looked around.

"Yeah. I thought green was a good choice. That way it works for both boy or girl." Rhoda sat down in the rocking chair that had been placed in the room and set her hands on her belly. "The kid better be happy with this. I put a lot of work into this."

"I think they will."

"Even if they don't know what all of this stuff is," Rhoda laughed.

"Show them pictures when they grow up," Mary said starting to walk around.

The room fell silent for a moment. "You know," Rhoda started, breaking the silence. "I talked to Joe last night. He sounded pretty weak, but he said that he can't wait to meet his son or daughter."

"Yeah?" Mary asked. "Any names you two are interested in?"

"Well," Rhoda said. "If its a boy I think the name Joseph should be in there. I haven't thought of a full name yet, but Joe likes Richard."

"Joseph Richard or Richard Joseph?" Mary asked. She could tell where Richard came from, but didn't want to mention it yet.

"I don't know yet. He doesn't know that I want to use his name yet. He most likely would argue, but I think it should be done."

"What about if its a girl?" Mary asked.

"Josephine," Rhoda smiled, starting to laugh.

"What's so funny about that?" Mary asked starting to laugh.

Rhoda shook her head. "It was just so obvious."

Mary rolled her eyes. "There are other girl names that sound like Joseph," she said trying to defend herself.

"For example..."

"For exapmle," Mary started, but couldn't think of anything. "Well."

"I'm waiting," Rhoda teased.

"Yeah, yeah," Mary responded.

The phone rang from out in the living room. Rhoda looked up to Mary. "I'm so glad that I have a loving, understanding friend here that is nice enough to go get that so that I don't have to get up."

"Really? Where?" Mary joked as she went into the living room.

She picked up the phone. "Hello?" Mary suddenly froze. "Oh?" she asked and then turned back towards the room that Rhoda was in. It was the man that Joe had been staying with. "She's busy right now, but I can take a message." That was a lie, but she knew that Rhoda didn't want to get up and talk. Something told her though that she should be the one talking. "I see," Mary said. She turned her back to the room. "I'll tell her. Thank you for calling."

She slowly hung up the phone and waited a moment before going back to Rhoda.

"In addition to answering the phone, you get to help me up. Of course, there is a prize though."

"Rhoda! I have something to tell you," Mary announced as she leaned against the doorway. She wanted to get this over with as soon as she possibly could.

Rhoda's face suddenly grew serious. "Yeah? What is it?"

Mary looked to her with sympathy. "Joe's dead."

Rhoda just sat back and stared blankly forward. It took a moment to actually soak in before it hit her. "Are you sure?" she asked. It was a stupid question to ask, and she knew it. But she had to ask, she had to be sure. None of this felt real to her, it was more like a nightmare that she felt like she could simply wake up from.

"Yes. George said he went about an hour ago in his sleep."

Rhoda stared off to the side. "I honestly thought he would make it. I thought he would see his baby born. Find out the name, hold them." Tears started to fall from her eyes. "I thought I would at least get to say good bye to him."

"Are you going to be all right?" Mary asked.

"Of course not," Rhoda said. "But I guess it doesn't really matter how I feel about this does it?" She stood up and slowly made her way over to the crib. Gazing down over the railings, she grabbed onto the side.

Mary lowered her head as she remained leaning against the doorway. It was hard for her to believe and even harder for her to watch.

"Damn it Joe," Rhoda said as she hit the railing with her fist. Her head lowered and her sobbing became audible.

Mary raised her tear stricken face and headed over to Rhoda's side. "Im so sorry," she said as she embraced her as well as she could.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

That night, Mary had trouble sleeping. She tried to sleep, but the her mind wouldn't let her, there was too much on her mind. It all made her want to re-evaluate her own life. A man close to her age had just died. It was osme sort of awakening to her that nothing is ever permanent.

"Mary!" Rhoda called as she knocked at the door.

Mary got out of bed and walked over to answer the door. She didn't want to be bothered right now, but she also knew Rhoda was going to have a hard time with everyhting going on and she wanted to help her. "Yeah?" she asked opening the door.

"You mind taking me to the hospital? I think I'm in labor," Rhoda said.

Mary's eyes widened. "Are you sure?"

Rhoda gripped onto the doorway as she winced. "Ya know, I think so."

Mary went and grabbed her coat and shoes. "Don't you have a few more weeks though?"

"I don't think the baby really cares about that," Rhoda responded.

Mary hurried and left the apartment. She helped Rhoda down to the car and took her to the hospital where she waited until the baby was born.

"How are you doing?" Mary asked as she entered the room.

"Its a girl," Rhoda said from the bed where she lay with the baby in her arms.

"Congratulations," Mary said as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Not to sound unhappy with you or anything, but I really wish it would have been Joe walking through that door."

Mary sighed. "That's really how it should be," Mary said looking down at the baby.

Rhoda noticed her watching the baby and smiled. "You wanna hold her?" Rhoda asked.

"May I?"

"Sure, just don't break her," Rhoda said as she handed her over to Mary.

Mary looked and smiled down at the little baby. "She really is a beautiful little girl." Mary laughed. "And a heavy sleeper."

"Naturally, I did all the work and it wore her out," Rhoda laughed.

"You have a name yet?" Mary asked as she handed the baby back.

"Well," Rhoda said looking down at her. "Josi, short for Josephine. I'm thinking Mary Josephine." She then looked up to Mary, "that is, if you don't mind."

"I don't mind," Mary smiled. She was a but honored and liked the idea, but there was something wrong. "But don't you think that Joe's name should be first?"

"Josephine Mary." Rhoda thought about it for a second. "I think it sounds better the other way around. Besides, either way I can still call her Josi."

"That works." She smiled to Rhoda and then stood up. She didn't want to leave, but she knew that she had to. "I should get going, I have to wake up for work tomorrow. I'll be back tomorrow to see you."

"See ya kid." Rhoda just watched Mary leave and then looked down at Josi. "If only your dad would've made it one more day."

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Four days later. Rhoda walked up the steps to the church, dressed in black with Josi in a little carrier. She got to the top and met with Joe's mother. "How are you doing?" she asked.

It was evident that she had been crying earlier. "I don't know." She then looked down and saw the baby.

"You wanna see your granddaughter?" Rhoda asked.

"Sure," she said. "What's her name?"

"Mary Josephine, Josi for short," Rhoda said as she sat the carrier down and picked up the baby.

Mrs. Gerard took the baby and smiled at her. "How are things with you? You got a lot thrown at you at once."

Rhoda shrugged. "I'm getting through."

Ida and Morty walked up behind Rhoda. "How are you both doing?" Morty asked. His voice was full of concern as he laid his hand on her shoulder.

Rhoda turned back and hugged both her parents. "I'm fine I guess. I haven't completely fallen apart yet."

"Just stay busy. I'm sure Josi will keep your mind off of things." Ida looked over at the baby. "By the way, I've only seen her once."

"She's barely a week old ma, you'll get to see her a lot more," Rhoda said. She thought that this had to be the time that Joe's mother could see her. After this, there was no telling as to how often the Gerards would get to see Josi, so she figured that anytime they saw them, her parents would just have to wait.

"When's the last time you fed her?" Ida asked.

Rhoda rolled her eyes. "An hour before we left." She knew what question was going to come next before Ida even opened her mouth. "Then a changed her right before we left, and she's been burped and bathed. I also have a couple bottles and diapers with me. I think she'll survive." She knew that this was her way of caring, it was just annoying to think that her own mother feels she has to double check everything.

"I think she's doing okay. After spending as much as she did with you I'm sure you've taught her the basics," Morty said seeing that Rhoda was about to get irritated.

Ida looked back and sighed. "All right. I was just trying to help."

"Thank you ma," Rhoda said.

Ida and Morty both looked over to Joe's mother who was blankly staring down at Josi. "How about you?"

"What?" she asked looking up.

"You never answered my question. Are you doing all right?" Morty asked.

She shrugged and then looked over to Rhoda. "I just hope to God that you never have to go through what I've just been through," she said and then handed the baby back to her.

Morty watched her leave and walk into the church. "Maybe we should go get our seats," he suggested.

"You want me to stay out here with you?" Ida asked to Rhoda.

Rhoda knelt down and put Josi back into her carrier. "All I have to do is wait for Brenda and Mary and they should be here in a few minutes."

"Are you sure? I mean I'm not protestant, I don't think they care whether or not I'm in there on time for mass."

"Go on ma, I'll be in there as soon as I can," Rhoda reassured her.

Rhoda stood there and watched the street as her parents entered the church. It only took a few minutes, but a couple of cars pulled up. Mary and Brenda got out of the first one and Rhoda waved to them. Then a few more people got out, Phyllis with Bess and Lou. Out of the second car came Ted, Georgette, and Murry.

"Hi everyone," Rhoda said as they climbed the stairs and approached her. She was surprised that they would all come to a funeral, but deep down was truly thankful that they did.

"I kept in contact," Mary said. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah," Rhoda said and then hugged her. "So far so good."

Brenda went up and hugged her after Mary let go. "I thought I should tell you, George left some of Joe's things at my place. Anything special you want done with em?"

Rhoda pulled back from the hug and shrugged. "I don't know what I would do with them, but maybe I should go through everything, maybe have Donnie over and see what he wants."

Rhoda's eye were starting to water as she could hear the service begin to start inside. "I think we should all get in there. Thank you everyone for coming, and I'll talk to you all after the service if you would like to come to my apartment."

"Sounds good to me," Murry said.

"Same," Lou said.

They all followed her into the church and took their seats. Ted and Georgette sat down in the back. "I don't know what I would do if I lost you," she softly commented.

"Well, I am irreplacable," he responded and then looked over to her. "Of course, I don't know what I would do if I lost you either. Remember when we got seperated on the way here?"

"Yeah. You got lost in the airport and started to cry because you thought you might get on the wrong plane and end up somewhere like Oklahoma."

Up in the front of the church, Rhoda took her seat with Brenda, her parents and then Joe's parents. As she got Josi situated, she looked across the aisle and saw Marien and Donnie taking their spots. Marien didn't look to affected but Donnie had a blank, almost emotionless look on his face as he stared at the coffin at the front.

"Today we gather here to celebrate the life of Joseph Gerard and his passing onto the next life ahead of him."

Those were the words that stuck in her head through out the entire ceremony. He had left. He was gone. This wasn't like when he walked out the door a while back, this time, there was no second chance and no one to blame.

Once they were done at the church and the casket was being carried out, Rhoda stood up and looked over to Donnie. As soon as she got out of the pew she went over and joined him. "Hey Donnie," she gently greeted.

He briefly looked up to her and then went back to staring forward. "Hi Rhoda," he said. There was still no emotion to him.

"I'm sorry about your dad."

"Can I ask you a question? I tried asking my mom but I don't think she knows," he said looking back to Rhoda.

"Sure," she said.

"Why did daddy die?"

The question broke her heart. It was hard to hear that question from a kid. "Well Donnie," she started as she tried to think of what to say. "I don't really know. No one here wanted him to die, and I know he didn't want to. As a matter of fact, one of the last things that he told me was that he wished he could have seen you grow up."

"Its not fair," Donnie said.

"Believe me kid, I know." She shrugged as she held the tears back. They sat there quietly for a moment. "If you want, I still have some of your father's things. You can come over and take something you want. You know, something to remember him by, like a pocket knife or something like that."

"Why a pocket knife?" he asked.

"I don't know, a lot of boys I know got a pocket knife that their father's had passed down to them."

"Oh," Donnie said. "I'll ask my mom if I can."

"Okay. Its over at Brenda's place. Your mother knows where that is right?"

Donnie shrugged. "Well, okay," she said figuring that she did.

Rhoda went with everyone else to the cemetery and then went back home with her group of friends that had come to see her. They all solemnly walked into the apartment. "It um, it means a lot to me that you all came."

Lou sat down on the couch and sighed. "Well, its not one of those things you can easily say no to."

"What are you going to do now?" Phyllis asked with a genuine interest.

"For starters," Rhoda started as she sat down on the chair. "I took your advice and moved out of our old apartment. From here I'm just going to try and move on."

"I never got to meet Joe, but I'm still sorry Aunt Rhoda," Bess said.

"Thanks kid. And I didn't get the chance to talk to you before, but my have you grown. The last time I saw you was three years ago."

Bess laughed. "Yeah, I'm going off to college next year."

"My little Bess is going off to USC," Phyllis beamed.

"Congratulations," Mary said looking over to Bess.

"Thanks," Bess said.

Murry walked over and sat down next to Lou. "I'm just wondering, does this have anything to do with the time that you came into the newsroom for Mary?"

Rhoda sighed. She really didn't think anyone would bring that up. "Sorta. He wasn't certain as to whether or not he was sick and I had just found out that I was pregnant and was afraid to tell him. We were fighting a lot and he ended up leaving. We needed a break from each other."

"Joe left you?" Phyllis asked. "I didn't know that."

"Yes, but he didn't sleep with anyone else," Rhoda said getting ready to defend her dead husband.

Phyllis glared to her and then sighed. This was not the time nor the place and she decided to restrain herself.

"Anyways," Mary said stepping in. "Is there anything we can do for you?"

"Yeah, we didn't come all this way to watch you suffer. If there's anything you want just let us know," Georgette said.

"I have a new recording of my newscasts in my car if you're interested," Ted said.

Rhoda looked back to him. "You haven't changed at all have you?"

"Nope. He's still the same lovable man," Georgette said.

Josi started to cry. Rhoda leaned over and picked her up out of the carrier. "Someone hungry?" she asked as she stood up and went to get the baby bag. She grabbed the bottle and sat back down to feed her. "Someone's definitely got her mother's appetite. I'm so sorry Josi."

"How old is she?" Bess asked.

"Almost a week."

"She's so cute."

"Thank you."

Bess sighed. "I love babies. I want one of my own."

"Not yet you don't," Phyllis snapped.

"Calm down Phyllis. I meant someday after I get married," Bess said.

Rhoda noticed the time. "Hey, I feel bad about leaving you all here, but do you mind if I go for a coupel hours? Brenda's got some of Joe's things over at her place that Donnie and I gotta go through."

"Actually," Lou said standing up. "I think I'm gonna head back to the hotel." He walked over to Rhoda. "Take care of yourself all right?"

"Will do," Rhoda said.

"I should go to," Murry said stanidng up. "If you ever need anything, Marie and I might live far away, but you can still call."

"Thanks Murry."

Ted and Georgette headed for the door. "Goodbye Rhoda. I hope everything works out okay for you," Georgette said.

Rhoda nodded a thank you to Georgette.

"Yes Rhonda, we're very sorry about your loss."

"What was my husband's name Ted?" Rhoda asked.

"You forgot your husband's name already? Its John."

"Still a winner there aren't ya?" Rhoda asked.

"I feel sorry for who ever has to work with him now," Lou commented.

"We'll be seeing you tomorrow," Phyllis said. "And remember I went through the same thing before. if you need to talk, just call me."

"You bet," Rhoda said.

"Bye Aunt Rhoda," Bess said as she followed her mother to the door.

"Bye everyone. And again, thank you for coming all the way out here," she said turning as well as she could in the chair with out disrupting Josi.

They each said goodbye as they followed one another out the door. The only one left in the room with her was Mary. "You need me to come with you tonight?" she asked.

Rhoda thought a minute. "No," she sighed. "This is more or less something that I should probably do alone. But if you do wanna help, you could watch Josi for me."

Mary nodded. "I think I could do that," she said as she watched Rhoda stand up and walk towards her. She handed Josi to her and then grabbed her purse. "I'll try and be back as soon as I can."

"Take your time. I don't want to rush you," Mary said.

"Well, its exactly the most fun thing I'm about to do here." Rhoda waved and then left.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Rhoda and Donnie sat on the floor with Joe's things all spread out. Brenda had decided to leave the two alone and go out for a little bit.

"There's not much here, but what ever you want, go ahead and take it." Rhoda said. It was hard for her to look through his things, but she wasn't about to let herself fall apart in front of a young kid.

Donnie looked through the belingings and picked up the wallet. It was old and torn apart, but it did have Joe's name inscribed on it. "Can I have this?"

"Sure kid. Like I said, anything you want," Rhoda said.

She looked down again and spotted two wedding rings. It was then that she had remembered the arguement in Mary's apartment. She picked both of them up and observed them for a minute before putting them into her purse. "You think there's anything here for a little girl?"

Donnie shrugged. He then picked up an envelope that read "TO RHODA". "I think this belongs to you though."

Rhoda took it and opened it. The first thing that came out was a picture of her and Joe together on their wedding day. Then she took a letter out.

"Whats it say?" Donnie asked.

Rhoda hesitated to read it out loud, but skimmed it over and figured it was okay. "If you are reading this, I am dead. I know this isn't easy, but things will be okay. I know you, and I know that you are going to be a wonderful mother. I know I shouldn't mention this, but remember that fight we had? I got Mary to give your ring. I had every intention of giving it back to you, but there was so much going on and it just slipped my mind. I hope you somehow got it though. There's a set of letters in the envelope. One for if its a girl and one seperate one for if its a boy. If I was alive past the time that the baby was born, ignore this and just grab the envelope, which I really hope that I was able to remove the unnecessary letter."

Rhoda sniffled as she set the letter down and retrieved the one for a little girl. "To my daughter. I know that I'm not around. You do not know how badly it pains me to be writing this, but I had to. Around the time that your mother found out that she was pregnant was the same time that I had been diagnosed with cancer. I don't know how old you are right now, but someday you will understand. I didn't want to die. I wanted to be there while you were growing up. You and you're step brother mean more to me than anything. There are so many things in life that I'm going to miss out that I really wish I could be there for. I wanted to be able to teach you how to ride a bike, scare your first boyfriend, watch you go off to prom and walk you down the isle on your wedding. I just want you to know that I might not know you, but I do love you. I'm sure you're just as beautiful as your mother, so be careful out there with the boys. And just in case I haven't said it enough already, I love you."

Rhoda just sat there and stared at the letter. "Just one day too short," she said to herself.

"I got a letter too. A guy came by the house and handed a couple of things to my mom," Donnie said.

Rhoda put everything back into the envelope and then stood up. "Yeah? What did you get?" she asked trying to keep herself together.

"Just the letter." He looked up and saw her. "I don't care if you cry, I saw it all day at the funeral."

"No, I just," Rhoda sighed. "I'm just a little..."

"Unstable?" Donnie asked.

Rhoda laughed. "You could say that. How are you handling all of this."

"Don't worry, I cried at first too." Donnie picked up a watch and studied it.

"I think he'd want you to have that if you like it," Rhoda said.

"Thanks," he said and then put it into his pocket. "I think I should go down and see if my mom's ready to go."

Rhoda forced a small smile to him. "Bye Donnie." She watched him leave and then sat down and sighed.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Rhoda returned home and thanked Mary again for watching Josi. As soon as she left, Rhoda went into the nursery and leaned over the crib as she watched Josi sleep. "You know kid, What ever happens you're gonna be loved." She then sighed as she looked up. "I miss your daddy so much, but I think the two of us will be okay. We've got Mary, Brenda, my parents and any of those people that met you today. I just won't expose you to Phyllis too much. I love you too much to do that to you." Rhoda softly laughed. "Good night Josi," she said and then left the room.

Once outside with the door closed behind her, she sat down on the couch. "I feel silly doing this, but if somehow you're with me right now Joe, I want. I want to finally say goodbye to you. I didn't get to before, and I should've but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. And I also hope that you know you have a daughter. A baby girl that I badly wish you could've met. Just one more day Joe, that's all you needed. Anyways, I love you, and I just hope you knew that." She sat there for a minute in the silence. It was all over, and she had to let it go. "Goodbye Joe," she said and then stood up to go to bed.

_Theres no one in town I know  
__You gave us some place to go  
__I never said thank you for that  
__I thought I might get one more chance  
__What would you think of me now  
__So lucky so strong so proud  
__I never said thank you for that  
__Now I'll never have a chance  
__May angels lead you in  
__Hear you me my friends  
__On sleepless roads the sleepless go  
__May angels lead you in  
__And what would you think of me now  
__So lucky so strong so proud  
__I never said thank you for that  
__Now I'll never have a chance  
__May angels lead you in  
__Hear you me my friends  
__On sleepless roads the sleepless go  
__May angels lead you in  
__And if you are with me tonight  
__I'll sing to you just one more time  
__A song for a heart so big  
__God couldn't let it live  
__May angels lead you in  
__Hear you me my friends  
__On sleepless roads the sleepless go  
__May angels lead you in_

_ ~Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World_

**The End**

_~To my grandma~_


End file.
